(Ep. 85): Deadly Prey - Movie Commentary: April 2017

April 20, 2017

Deadly Prey

1987Drama/Action 1h 28m
 
  In Vietnam, he was the best... He still is!

You've requested it, We watched it!

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Deadly Prey is a fun film no doubt about that, might not be great film but boy is this a stupid fun time of a watch. So put on those short shorts and do some killing!

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 Colonel Hogan is a ruthless former military officer who trains a large group of former U.S. Servicemen as mercenaries by having them hunt down and kill people they abduct off the streets of Los Angeles. Hogan's greedy financier Michaelson threatens Hogan to speed up the men's training or he will pull the plug on Hogan's training camp. However, Hogan and his men meet their match when their latest kidnap victim turns out to be a tough gung-ho marine named Mike Danton who despite being unarmed and hunted, he manages to decimate Hogan's men in detail. Frustrated Hogan, his tough right-hand man Thornton and personal assistant Sybil kidnap Danton's wife Jaimy to force him in the open, while Jaimy's retired police detective father tries to track down her and Danton who finds an unlikely ally in the form of a former marine buddy named Cooper who wants to help him take on all of Hogan's men. (IMDB

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Simply Drinking: Take a drink of your favorite alcoholic beverage every time someone sneaks up on another person.
 

 

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(Ep. 84): SR Podcast - April 2017

April 3, 2017

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

 

 April Fools...this isn't really a podcast post....... so here's a picture of a Ryan Gosling eating cereal.

 

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.....just kidding....maybe...but i mean just look at that sexy guy eating that cereal.

This month we make our grand return with all sorts of goodies. The fellas belly up to the bar to talk the news and their life failures in "What's On Tap."

We're also in the fighting mood this month and the only way to settle that is another round of "Simplistic Fisticuffs."

All this, mail order bride talk, trying to remember what the Street Sharks ever did for us, cross-dressing, and all shorts of April shenanigans on The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

 

NOTES

Street Sharks

The Edge

Batgirl

MUSIC

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(Ep. 83): SR Podcast - February 2017

February 12, 2017

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It's been a long time, we shouldn't have left you, without a podcast to step to....step to, step to...you get it; it's like that Aaliyah song.

 

We gave you a movie commentary to quench that junkie's thirst for our imminent return, but nothing can prepare you for this month's podcast that is sure to give you heart palpitations.

 

From the sultry tones of Al Pacino as he talks nipple clamps and spankings...to us wagering our souls, dignity and enthusiasm on 2017 films...and of course we have a game for you, because we love you so very much.

 

We return with "Hey Fuckhead," where we tear apart those in Hollywood that really piss...us...off, here's a hint; he's a world leader who probably has a tiny wiener...take that as you may.

 

Just in time for Valentine's Day, the newest Simplistic Reviews podcast. Body harnesses and ball gags not included.

 

NOTES
World War Z

Jimmy Fallon & Alec Baldwin

Green Lantern Shortlist

MUSIC

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(Ep. 82): Savage Beach - Movie Commentary: January 2017

February 1, 2017

450px-SavageBeach-EricChen-01.jpg1989 | Action | 92 min 

Ready for a trip to Savage Beach?

Come and enjoy beautiful our water

Wine and dine with at the island's number 1 restaurant. 

And come see the last of what the 80's have to offer in Andy Sidaris'...

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Savage Beach 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen WE ARE BACK!

THE WOMEN!

THE GUNS!

THE OVER THE TOP CRAZIEST ACTION SCENES!

 

600px-SavageBeach-ArmaliteAR7-08.jpgAh... 2017 is going to be a good year! All new 90's Andy Sidaris' Films to watch. Honestly what more could you want!?

Shit...I just remembered...the 90's sucked and the world is in turmoil. Oh well let's enjoy what we have left then.

Drug agents Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) crash-land on a remote island, rumored to have a gold treasure. Treasure isn't the only thing on this island, war-gold seekers searching for their gold will do anything for riches.

 

 

 

 

Initial release: 1989 Director: Andy Sidaris Screenplay: Andy Sidaris Music composed by: Gary Stockdale

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(Ep. 81): Year End Wrap Up Mini Show - December 2016

December 31, 2016

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This is it guys and girls, the end of an era! The piece of shit known as 2016 is dead. 2016 was nothing but a douche to us all. Think about it, all horrible and horrific stuff. Don't believe me? Fine. Let me ask you, name one thing that was good about 2016?

Still waiting...

Anything?

Yeah we feel you. So to end the year and ring in a new one we have a Mini End of the Year Wrap Up Show! A podcast that wraps up the shitty year of movies into a bite size appetizer to welcome in 2017!

Thank you everyone who has listened this year. We appreciate your support and we have a lot planned for 2017.

 

"I know it was you, 2016. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."

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(Ep. 80): Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 - Movie Commentary: December 2016

December 25, 2016

Merry Christmas! From Simplistic Reviews

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Silent Night, Deadly Night: Part 2

1987R‧ Drama/Slasher1h 28min

 

Trailer 

 

silent-night-deadly-night-part-2-umbrellThe sequel picks up on Christmas Eve some years after the first movie, with Ricky Caldwell, the 18-year-old brother of the first film's killer, now being held in a mental hospital, awaiting trial for a series of murders that he committed. While being interviewed by the psychiatrist Dr. Henry Bloom, Ricky tells the story of the murders his brother Billy committed throughout a series of several flashbacks using footage from the original film. These flashbacks have new shots to make Ricky appear in more of Billy's original story.

 

silent-night-deadly-night-2-750.jpg115%252BNot%252Beven%252Ba%252Bjoke%252BTo say Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is a good movie is an understatement. Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is the greatest movie ever! Come on this is a fun movie to watch. You really have to give it to the team for making a 1hr 30min movie off a 30 page script. Yes I'm somewhat joking, but let's be honest this movie is freaking fun to watch. Every year people watch A Christmas Story or Christmas Vacation for Christmas but I watch Silent Night, Deadly Night 1 and 2. A Christmas Slasher is always a good time.

 

So this Christmas grab that eggnog and a bowl of that chocolate covered popcorn. Sit down next to that warm fire and lets watch Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2!

 

 

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(Ep. 79): Suicide Squad - Extended Cut - Movie Commentary: December 2016

December 11, 2016

giphy.gifSuicide Squad - Extended Cut

2 hours, 14 minutes

 

Seriously? Yes I don't know why but we did another WB extended-we-don't-give-you-the-full-movie-the-first-time-cut.

What to say about a poorly made film. I mean a 8 year old with iMovie could do a better editing job.

And I feel bad for bringing the 8 year old this luckluster piece of crap.

DJ says it the best. "This is the biggest disappointment of the year".

 

So we know you really do not want to watch this film again but hell we gave it a try. So this Sunday Funday Movie Night lets give it a GO!

 

All Board the WB shitliner one more time!

This time the

S. S. We fooled you again...HAHAHA (Shitty Joker laugh)

 

Don't worry, this time we have Ted Lange as Your Bartender!  

 

 Suicide Squad

It feels good to be bad...Assemble a team of the world's most dangerous, incarcerated Super Villains, provide them with the most powerful arsenal at the government's disposal, and send them off on a mission to defeat an enigmatic, insuperable entity. U.S. intelligence officer Amanda Waller has determined only a secretly convened group of disparate, despicable individuals with next to nothing to lose will do. However, once they realize they weren't picked to succeed but chosen for their patent culpability when they inevitably fail, will the Suicide Squad resolve to die trying, or decide it's every man for himself?

A secret government agency, led by the ruthless, high-ranking official Amanda Waller, recruits some of the most dangerous, incarcerated villains on the planet to execute dangerous black ops missions and save the world from a potentially apocalyptic threat from a mysterious, supernatural entity. If anything goes wrong on this mission, the government will not be liable but rather can place the blame on the villains, who are inherently evil people. A small bomb is implanted in each member of the squad's neck with the capability of detonating any time one of the members tries to rebel or escape. It will be up to this assembled team of villains to prevail over the seemingly impossible events that will unfold before them, in what many deem to be a "suicide mission".

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(Ep. 78): SR Podcast - November 2016

November 19, 2016

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FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

 

On this Thanksgiving episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk about turkey and Donald Trump...A Minecraft movie and Donald Trump...Shelley Duvall and Donald Trump and who would win in a fight between Dracula and the Wolfman...oh an also why tackle our new Presidential overlord Donald J. Drumpf...all that and more on a turkey day episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  And that wasn't a typo, by the way.  Donald Trump's real name is Drumpf...these are facts.

 

NOTES

Al Bundy Fights

Wolfman's Got Nards

All Your Base Are Belong To Us

Chickens Have Come Home To Roost

 

MUSIC

Hail To The Chief

The Incredible Hulk Theme By Daniel Caine Orchestra

Beast Atoms By L-Beazt

Sharp Minds By L-Beazt

Cocaine Model By ZHU

By The Croft By Joakim Karud

 

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(Ep. 77): SR Podcast - October 2016

October 24, 2016

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YOUTUBE LINK

CHECK US OUT

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this spooktacular Halloween episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss everything that goes bump in the night...from Deadpool director woes to a Captain Planet film from Leo. Matthew solves the mystery that is the Madea films. And the boys try to guess each other's Halloween costumes in a segment we're calling What Are You Supposed To Be. All that and more on this pumpkin spice latte version of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES

Madea film

Westworld

John Phillips

Pitch

Captain Planet by Leo

MUSIC

Halloween Theme by John Carpenter

It's The Great Pumpkin Waltz by Vince Guaraldi

Who Can It Be Now by Men At Work 

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(Ep.76): Child’s Play 2 - Movie Commentary: Oct 2016

October 21, 2016

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Child's Play 2 

Play trailer on YouTube

1990 Slasher/Thriller1h 24m  
 

Movie Commentary Friday! (Is that a thing?)

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Hey everyone! Welcome to another Movie Commentary. Halloween is creeping up on us so we're continuing with some more movies about murdering. Only this time its a grown man trapped into the workings of a children's doll. (Cue Disney themed music)

Whats that?! Another bloody movie commentary that involves children? Yeah we know. Listen we didn't plan this out, it was purely random. But hey guess what? Luck is on our side because Child's Play 2 is a million times better then that last one, especially in story structure.

So sit back and watch out for that old toy you forgot about in your closet. You know the one that you witness a man doing black magic on when Dad and you went to the bank that one time. Sure you remember, don't you? You know when the cops came and shot up the place? And as he pulled his bullet riddled-bloody body, he knew the only way to live was to transport his soul into your favorite toy?

No...why would you...that was me.

 

CHECK US OUT

 

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(Ep. 75): Beware! Children at Play - Movie Commentary: October 2016

October 17, 2016

Welcome to another Friday Night Family Movie Night!

Family-Movie-Night.jpg

X267-Children-Play.png Beware! Children at Play

1hr 34mins | Horror | 1989 

Well that happened...

DJ and Justin just watched Beware Children at Play. And...Well...It's not so great. It is a slow boring movie that only picks up right at the end. Sure the topic of murdering demoniac crazy children is a fun idea to use in a movie but if you don't do anything with it then its pretty lousy. Hopefully the movie next time is a bit more enjoyable to watch, because even though this trailer looked amazing, the final product was just lame.

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(Ep. 74): SR Podcast - September 2016

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

This month's show is themed around the genius of the late and great Gene Wilder. As we honor his legacy, we create our very own film monstrosities with a new segment called, "Frankenstein's Monster." Think soap in pillow cases and jackets with scorpions on the back...

We also "blaze" our own saddles and whip out some news in "Excuse Me While I Whip This Out." All this, and antics galore on The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES

MUSIC

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(Ep. 73): Friday the 13th Part III - Movie Commentary: August 2016

October 17, 2016

Friday the 13th Part III

1982 | Slasher | 1hr 35min

Welcome to the first ever 3D Podcast! How is a audio only podcast in 3D? We have no idea...

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Requested by Bradley Taylor,

Friday the 13th Part III once again follows murderer Jason Voorhees, who as a child drowned off the waters of Camp Crystal Lake. Is there anyone that can put an end to Jason's murderous rampage? 

Friday the 13th Part III is a 1982 American 3D slasher film directed by Steve Miner and the third installment in the Friday the 13th film series. Originally released in 3-D, it is the first film to feature antagonist Jason Voorhees wearing his signature hockey mask, which has become a trademark of both the character and franchise, as well an icon in American cinema and horror films in general. As a direct sequel to Friday the 13th (1980) and Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), the film follows a group of co-eds on vacation at a house on Crystal Lake, where Jason Voorhees has taken refuge. (IMDB)

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(Ep. 72): SR Podcast - August 2016

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

On this August edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys come back from their vacation and catch up with what they missed.  JD Duran from Insession Film joins them for a game of Word Association and a brand new game called Simplistic Submarine.  The entire Insession family also helps the boys with their ode to Jason Bourne.  Yo-Ho-Ho mateys! All that and more on this episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES

Dr. Strange Trailer

Wonder Woman Trailer

Justice League Trailer

Blair Witch Trailer

Kong Skull Island Trailer

Rocketeers

Fantastic Beasts Trailer

Hacksaw Ridge Trailer

MUSIC

Let It Happen By Tame Impala

1976 By RJD2

I Dream Of genie Remix 

Chronos By Hi-Finesse 

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(Ep. 71): Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice - Ultimate Edition - Movie Commentary: July 2016

October 17, 2016

Batman V Superman

 2016 | Superhero | 181 minutes

how-wonder-woman-casually-stole-the-show

Batman-V-Superman-Trailer-Fight-Heat-VisToday on this 4th of July we fight a 3hr war, one we thought we would lose. But we made it through all 3hrs of Zack Snyder's poor choices to bring you another Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary. We're sure you have better things to do today. Drink and Eating come to mind. But the time may come when you must watch that

BvS2.0.jpgBatman V Superman

Dawn of Justice

Ultimate Edition

Extended Cut

Collectors Edition

Movie Commentary

Christ that's a mouthful. Then lets watch it together. A army of one. A uprising to be independent from unbelievable plot holes in a $250 million dollar movie. I mean it's crazy to think these people are professionals and still somehow find work.

wonder-woman-batman-vs-superman-prequel-

So remember young ones. You don't need to jam 10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag. Fill up that first bag with all that needed shit and grab another 5 pound bag to finish stuffing that shit. Because having two bags of shit is okay, not one overstuffed bag of shit with plot holes throughout its 3hr run time is okay. Shit boys and girl, that just doesn't fly!

 


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(Ep. 70): Picasso Trigger - Movie Commentary: June 2016

October 17, 2016

mKShuvg.pnghqdefault.jpgPicasso Trigger

1988 | Action | 1hr 39mins

 

It's Friday! So we thought another  

Movie Commentary was in order!

Continuing our marathon of the one and only Andy Sidaris. If this is your first time, Sidaris is the king of B-Rated films that pretty much only contains the 3 elements any film really ever needs Bullets, Babes and Sex!

Today we let lose on Picasso Trigger, another solid entry into the Sidaris legacy. 

"Double agent Picasso Trigger is assassinated in Paris by double-crossing bad guy Miguel Ortiz. Then Ortiz begins eliminating agents of The Agency who were involved in his brother's death. The Agency (belatedly) springs into action to stop Ortiz' heinous activities. The usual gunplay, romance, and nifty toys with bombs ensue." 

 So grab a cold one and get ready for a thrill of a lifetime, because kids this is...

 Picasso Trigger!

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(Ep. 69): SR Podcast - May 2016

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

On the May edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast...Justin Polizzi...absolutely...LOSES IT!  Matt and DJ are powerless to stop him from  embracing the dark side and unleashing his anger about the new Ghostbusters movies...and Finding Dory...and Spider-Man Homecoming...and the television upfront trailers for Lethal Weapon, MacGyver and Training Day.  Polizzi's unbridled rage and fury sends the show toppling down into a dark abyss of obscenities and inappropriate behavior with household pets. An abyss the show may never ever be able to recover from.  Now doesn't that sound like a show that you should listen to?!  All that and more on this episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES

Lethal Weapon Television Series

Training Day Television Series

MacGyver Television Series

Tetris Film

Joe Pesci Rap Song "Wise Guy"

Ghostbusters Trailer 2

MUSIC

1976 By RJD2

My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga

Action In Memphis By Johnny Pearson

Let It Happen By Tame Impala

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(Ep. 68): SR Podcast - BONUS CONTENT

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY


If you listened to the cold open to Episode 68 of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, guest starring Matty Negs from Negs Best Thing and Al Pacino, you might have heard Julie in the background taping something in the recording studio.  In this Bonus Content clip, you can hear exactly what she was saying on her side of the glass.

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(Ep. 68): SR Podcast - April 2016

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

On this “Spring Cleaning” episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, Matty Negs from Negs Best Thing Podcast helps us talk remakes of TV shows, reboots of Robin Williams films, Game Of Thrones, Prince, Coolio, and movie character fights to the death.  Oh and Al Pacino reads the phone book for us. All that and more on the April edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.


Notes

Music


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(Ep. 67): Police Academy 4 - Movie Commentary: April 2016

October 17, 2016

SPACE.pngReady for another Police Academy Movie Commentary?

Nether are we...

But hey this is the last movie in the series and without a doubt better then that last one. 

So for that last time (Thank God)

Police-Academy-4-Mr.s-Feldman.jpg

Grab that popcorn, get ready for dick jokes and enjoy the fact that there is no more Comdt. Mauser

Ladies and Gentlemen this is...

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol

1987 | 1hr 28min | Comedy

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We are finally done! Every Single Police Academy Film has been commented on by the gang at Simplistic Reviews.

Every Single One...

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(Ep. 66): SR Podcast - March 2016

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

On this ORDER 66 Episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys get prepped for Batman V Superman with a brand new skit.  Matt accepts our award from GeekCast Radio Network for best podcast. And to prove that they can be fair, the boys play a round of Simply Say Anything.  Trailers, Indiana Jones, and Daredevil talk.  All this and more on the March edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.


Notes


Music

In Your Eyes By Peter Gabriel

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(Ep. 65): SR 2016 Oscar Prediction Podcast

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

You've heard from the experts...now hear from the madmen from Simplistic Reviews as they predict who will and who should win at the 2016 Oscars.  Don't worry, the boys do their best to skate around the #OscarsSoWhite issue.  What, are you kidding?  They tackle it head on with enough irreverence that even Spike Lee flinch.  They also tackle other topics like R rated animation, Jennifer Lawrence on the precipise of being hated, and Harvey Fierstein...a lot of Harvey Fierstein.  All that and more on the Simplistic Reviews Oscar Prediction Podcast

NOTES

Harvey Fierstein in Independence Day

Morgan Freeman Car Accident

MUSIC

Hot Shot By Saun & Star

Across 110th Street By Bobby Womack

Strawberry Letter 23 By The Brothers Johnson

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(Ep. 64): SR Podcast - February 2016

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

 

 On this Law & Order/Valentine's Day-centric episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, Jay Cluitt from Life Vs. Film and the Lamb joins the boys to discuss important topics like Earl Grey, Parliament, Paul Giamatti, Mr. T, and Christopher Walken.  Also the boys take some time to admit some of their worst movie and television sins in another edition of Simply Ashamed.

All that and more on the Simplistic Reviews Podcast

NOTES:

FX Film

Life Vs. Film

Earl Grey

Billions

MUSIC

My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga

It's A Shame Remix By The Spinners

Law & Order Theme By Mike Post

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(Ep. 63): Malibu Express - Movie Commentary: February 2016

October 17, 2016

Malibu Express

1985 | Crime/Mystery | 1hr 45mins

FUN

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

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image.jpgCody Abiliene is a semi-successful private detective desperately in need of a big (and well-paying) case. When he's hired to solve the murder of Contessa Luciana's husband, he jumps at the chance. In between investigating the many women around the Contessa's estate, Abilene eventually uncovers a complex case of espionage and blackmail. 

So Police Academy 3: Back in Training SUCKED! Don't worry we Love You (only you)! So we have you covered, Malibu Express is the shit (the good shit). Part of the Bullets Bombs and Babes collection from Andy Sidaris, Malibu Express keeps its silliness but adds more to its story then that of Hard Ticket to Hawaii.

Sure Ticket was fun as well but bringing a bit of mystery to an already entertaining film is going the extra mile. Something Police Academy 3 never did.

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(Ep. 62): Police Academy 3: Back in Training - Movie Commentary: February 2016

October 17, 2016

Police Academy 3: Back in Training

1986 | Comedy(?) | 1hr 23mins

SHIT

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

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We did it! Call us crazy but we did it!

556cb8045aecb3349949076c420919bf.jpg1001full-police-academy-3--back-in-trainWhen police funding is cut, Governor Neilson announces that one of the city's two police academies will have to be closed down. To make it fair, Neilson announces a competition to determine which academy will stay opened. Commandant Eric Lassard calls back some of his former students to train the new batch of students, hoping to get the edge on the rival academy, which is run by Commandant Mauser. Lassard's new instructors, the former students he has brought back, include Carey Mahoney, Eugene Tackleberry, Moses Hightower, Debbie Callahan, Larvell Jones, Laverne Hooks, and Douglas Fackler.

Among the new students at Lassard's academy are Cadet Nogata, Cadet Karen Adams, Cadet Bud Kirkland, Cadet Sarah, Cadet Hedges, former gang leader Zed, and Zed's roommate, Cadet Sweetchuck. In order to increase his own academy's chances of winning, Mauser persuades two of Lassard's officers, Kyle Blanks and Chad Copeland, to turn traitor and help Mauser. The competition becomes complicated when a local marina is robbed by a gang of thieves who are dressed as busboys. 

 Police Academy 3 is in the can, sure its a can full of shit, but it is in the can none the less.  Since we are doing a Double Feature this Super Bowl Sunday, and we do love you, best thing to do would be just to skip this one and Listen to the Second Podcast. Trust us we are looking out for you.

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Simplistic Theater: Star Wars -The Complete Saga (Episodes I-VI)

October 17, 2016

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George Lucas did it.

Why can't we?

We figured it was best since today
Star Wars: The Force Awakens

comes out. 

So don't get mad and if you would like to write out letter to complain, send that mail to

5858 Lucas Valley Road, Nicasio, CA 94946

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Simplistic Theater Episode VI : Star Wars - Return Of The Jedi

October 17, 2016

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With only 1 day till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode VI
Return Of The Jedi

 

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Simplistic Theater Episode V : Star Wars - The Empire Strikes Back

October 17, 2016

SW%2BV.jpg

With only 2 days till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode V
The Empire Strikes Back

 

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Simplistic Theater Episode IV : Star Wars - A New Hope

October 17, 2016

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With only 3 days till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode IV
A New Hope

 

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Simplistic Theater Episode III : Star Wars - Revenge Of The Sith

October 17, 2016

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With only 4 days till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode III
Revenge Of The Sith 

 

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Simplistic Theater Episode II : Star Wars - Attack Of The Clones

October 17, 2016

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With only 5 days till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode II
Attack Of The Clones

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Simplistic Theater Episode I : Star Wars - The Phantom Menace

October 17, 2016

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With only 6 days till the release of Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Along with Jay Cluitt, the gang from Simplistic Reviews thought it would be best to do some reenacting of all 6 films. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is

Simplistic Theater

And today we bring you

Episode I
The Phantom Menace 


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(Ep. 61): SR Podcast - January 2016

October 17, 2016


FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

Happy Jew Year friends and family. The Simplistic Reviews Crew is back, and boy are they going to let you have it....not their virginity, we're all still clearly waiting for the right one to give that away to....

This month the boys try to find a way to make "Making a Murderer" the new #1 Comedy on CBS, to DJ's everylasting black rage involving Michael Bay as Transformers 69 is coming soon. We even throw in a little TV talk, and introduce a brand new game segment where we decide who lives or dies in "Simplistic Fisticuffs."

All this, plus we finally catch up with the asshat responsible for the deaths of both David Bowie and Alan Rickman in this super-sized, jam-packed edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES:

Bowie Being Bowie

Rickman Being Rickman

Bay Being Bay

MUSIC

My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga

Syd Dale By The Hell Raisers

1976 By RJD2

Cast Your Fate To The Wind By Vince Guaraldi

     Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 60): SR Podcast - December 2015

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this holiday episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, Matthew's Judeism is put to the test, Justin continues to try and make sense of the Prequels, DJ laments over Die Hard, and the boys have a hell of a time writing letters to Santa, spinning dreidels and breaking down the finale of Fargo.  All this and more on our Ho-Ho-Ho Holiday Show.


NOTES

Quentin vs Disney

Independence Day 2 Trailer

TMNT 2 Trailer

X-Men: Apocalypse Trailer

MUSIC

Die Hard Score By Michael Kamen

Couple Of Misfits By Burt Ives

Christmas Time Is Here By Vince Guaraldi Trio

Christmas In Hollis By Run D.M.C.

Ode To Joy By Ludwig van Beethoven

     Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 59): Icebreaker - Movie Commentary: December 2015

October 17, 2016

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ICEBREAKER

Trailer 

2000 | Action/Drama/Poorly Made | 90mins

At the the Killington ski resort something has gone awry. Evil terrorists led by the sinister Greig have taken the resort hostage with a stolen nuclear device. It's up to Ski Patrol bum Matt Foster to save the day... and his fiancé.

How did someone think a knockoff of Die Hard with Sean Astin would be a good idea?

It's that time of the year! Sunday Night Movie Night! Since the holidays are near and the snow is on the ground we figured Icebreaker is the right choice! (boy are we wrong)

Even MJ gives it his seal of approval. So everyone snuggle up in your blanket, pure some eggnog, get that fire going and sit back and enjoy the 2000 Classic, 

Icebreaker!

FUN FACTS:

IT SUCKS

A PEZ IS USED AS A WEAPON

A VHS IS USED AS A WEAPON

BOMBS COUNT UP IN THIS FILM

IS IT BASED ON A TRUE STORY

NOPE THATS A LIE

SEAN ASTIN IS 14 IN THIS FILM AND EVERY OTHER FILM

TOOK US OVER A YEAR TO TRACK DOWN A COPY

WHAT A WASTE OF A YEAR THAT WAS

SEAN ASTIN HAS A COKE PROBLEM

THIS FILM IS ALL OVER THE PLACE

STACY KEACH SIT 99% OF THE FILM

DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE PEZ?

CHRIST KILL ME!

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HAVE YOU SEEN THIS 14 YEAR OLD BOY?


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(Ep. 58): SR Podcast - November 2015

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCE

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Fall has fallen and the boys at Simplistic Reviews have taken it upon themselves to kick off the Thanksgiving Month right.  There's Ronda Rousey Roadhouse talk, an uncensored Julie, Kelly LeBrock reminiscing and a good old fashioned game of Kill, F%*k, Marry.

All this in more in a turkey filled episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast

NOTES

The Usual Suspects

Ronda Rousey Loss

Woman In Red

Roadhouse

Fargo's Mike Milligan

MUSIC

My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga

Action In Memphis By John Pearson

The Ususal Suspects Theme By John Ottman

Cast Your Fate To The Wind By Vince Guaraldi

     Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 57): SR Podcast - “Happy” Halloween 3: Season of the Witch: October 2015

October 17, 2016

Happy Halloween!

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Today is Halloween and to celebrate we figured what would be a better way then with the very unappreciated but great...

Halloween 3: Season of the Witch

98 mins | Horror | 1982

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES


latest.jpgThe gang gathers around for this Halloween film that doesn't feature Micheal Myers but does feature but not limited to, Killer Halloween Masks! Commercialization of the Halloween! Witchcraft! Androids! Shamrocks! and Tom mofo Atkins! It's a spooky film for a spooky day...now if only we could drink a McDonald's Shamrock Shake with a hit of whiskey that would make this day even better!

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(Ep. 56): SR Podcast - October 2015

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES


To celebrate this creepy time of year, why not hang with the creepiest movie aficionados in the biz.  On this Halloween edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys talk candy...fall TV premieres...Ronda Rousey's Roadhouse and Hayden Christensen.

This episode is filled to the brim with tricks and treats.  Grab your machete, your knife glove, and put on your inside out William Shatner mask and enjoy!

NOTES

Jennifer Lawrence's Hunger Games C-word poster

Sam Smith Writing On the Wall

Ellen Pompeo criticizes Daniel Craig

MUSIC

Created A Monster by B.o.B. 

Murder Was The Case By Snoop Dogg

Bonfire By Childish Gambino

Saw Theme By Charles Clouser

Halloween Theme By John Carpenter

 Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 55): SR Podcast - Hard Ticket To Hawaii - Movie Commentary: September 2015

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

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Today's Sunday Movie is...

Hard Ticket to Hawaii

96mins / Action / 1987

There are films that come and go. Great films that missed the limelight and never get the recognition they deserve.

Then there is Hard Ticket To Hawaii, a film that's not amazing but we are glad it was made. It's a crazy film that feels like they honestly just run and gun it. And even though this film isn't perfect, it is one fun film to watch.

Check out Slaughter Film's Review

Action Movie Time Machine - Hard Ticket to Hawaii

It's a film jam packed full of Bullets, Boobs and Explosions! 

What more can you ask for?

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 Show Notes

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Watch the film with us

Read the Slaughter Film Review

Music Notes

Theme Song

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(Ep. 54): SR Podcast - September 2015

October 17, 2016

     FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Sharpen your pencils and grab your loose-leaf notebooks.  It's the "back to school" edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  On this episode, the boys tackle Jesse Spano's horrible drug problem, Patty Mayonnaise's slutty behavior, and Max Landis' ego.

Speaking of schooling, Matt and DJ also pay up on a debt and discuss the high school spy film Barely Lethal, starring Oscar nominees Hailee Steinfeld and Samuel L. Jackson...yes...nothing in that sentence was made up.

Bill Cosby, Jared, Kanye, Miley...all get a little ribbing on this episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

Show Notes

Wes Craven

Jesse Spano freakout

Patti Mayonnaise

Tommy Wiseau & Fantastic 4

Music Notes

My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga

Saved By The Bell Theme Song

Plain Jane By Sid Phillips

Game Of Thrones Remix

Cast Your Fate To The Wind By Vince Guaraldi


                         Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 53): SR Podcast - August 2015

October 17, 2016

                                                    FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

Alright!  Alright!  The world can keep on spinning, cuz The Simplistic Reviews Podcast is back!  The irreverency level of the podcasting universe has just gone up as the boys barrel back into the world of movies and television once again.  First they catch up with some of the stuff they missed with our annual segment Can You Dig It.   Then the boys do a postmortem of True Detective Season 2 and sell Justin on the USA Network Show Mr. Robot.   The boom boxes are held high to close off the show as they once again play the game Simply Say Anything.

Hulk Hogan is dealt with, Sesame Street is repurposed, Hateful 8 is dismissed for legal reason, and The Fantastic Four is laughed at...all on this return episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

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(Ep. 52): Never Too Young To Die - Movie Commentary: August 2015

October 17, 2016

A secret agent is murdered! 

Can his son, a high school gymnast, along with a spy catch the man/woman who killed him? 

Team up with DJ and Justin to find out on the next Monday Night Movie Night!

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Never Too Young To Die

92 mins / Action / 1986

Secret agent Drew Stargrove is brutally murdered by the ruthless Van Ragnar. In this action-packed Bond-style thriller, the murdered secret agent's son, Lance Stargrove is thrust into the dangerous and intriguing world of secret agents and espionage when he seeks revenge against Van Ragnar. Danja Deerling teams up with Lance as his sidekick and love interest. 

Watch along with the film HERE

img_A_145979_5dbc094617a5c6b3201d197b91aTaglines to tickle your fancy!

Stargrove: the new American hero.

gene-simmions-psycho.jpgVanity: the new breed of temptress! Stamos: the new breed of hero!

At the age of 18, every government agency wanted him... dead or alive.

He inherited all his father's enemies and only one of his friends.

Action: Bond style. Beauty: Vanity style. Hero: American style.

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(Ep.51): Back to School - Movie Commentary: July 2015

October 17, 2016

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We are back again for another Monday Night

Movie Night!

Back-to-School-Feature-660x330.jpgAfter that big 50th episode we took a bit of a break and sat down to watch the 1986 classic Back to School. We figured a few laughs was in order since a murder took place on that last podcast.

Back to School

96 mins / Comedy / 1986

"To help his discouraged son get through college, a fun-loving and obnoxious rich businessman decides to enter the school as a student himself."

back-to-school_l.jpgMusic Notes

Back to School - Jude Cole

Twist and Shout - Rodney Dangerfield

Back To School - Oingo Boingo

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(Ep.50): SR Podcast - Extravaganza!: June 2015

October 17, 2016

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FOR (MOSTLY) IMMATURE AUDIENCES

Normal podcasts usually hit their 50th podcast roughly before their first year of existence.  Good podcasts that pump out constant content on a normal basis won't even make a big deal about their 50th podcast.  Superior podcasts will look at what we're doing and probably scoff at our sheer ineptitude to barely put out a single podcast every month.  Well, it's a good thing that we are neither normal, good, and...well...the only time we've been called superior is when we show up to our parole hearings on time.  Come to think of it, I better call Justin, I haven't heard from him in a while.

With that being said, get ready for some "high"-jinks as DJ, Justin, and Matt celebrate in style with the 50th edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.  There will be laughs galore as the guys invite, or some might say "force", guests from other more well-received podcasts to share in their debauchery.  Guests like JD Duran from the Insession Film Podcast. Barry and Jairo from the homo"neurotic" True Bromance Podcast.  Let's not forget, damn I forgot his name...oh yeah...The Vern, from the As You Watch Podcast.  Throw in a touch of Tim Costa from The First Time Watchers Podcast, Elwood from The Depths of DVD Hell, and a guest so special and so...well...scary, that even I can't tell you who it is.

Oh, so you're not impressed with that guest list?  Well, how about the thrilling conclusion to our months long saga of Julie and her quest to kill the Simplistic Reviews guy?  Yeah, you forgot about that didn't you?  Well...yeah...now you're gonna get some closure.

Finally, we talk a trip back in time to the segment that put us on the map; Word Association with Justin, where we ask Justin about things in the news and he gives a monosyllabic answer.

All that, and so much more on this petty way to celebrate mediocrity with The Simplistic Review Podcast's 50th episode.  Oh, by the way, the show is like 3 hours long, but what else are you going to do, watch the extended cut of "Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King?"  Hmmmm, wait, that actually does sound like a good idea.

Show Notes

Insession Film Podcast

As You Watch Podcast

From The Depths of DVD Hell & MBDS Showcase

True Bromance Podcast

First Time Watchers Podcast

Life Vs. Film

Music Notes

Back to the Future Theme By Alan Silvestri

Inside the Actors Studio Theme By Angelo Badalamenti

It's A Shame By The Spinners

I Dream Of Jeanie Remix

Time By Jungle

Liar Liar By The Castaways

Action In Memphis By Johnny Pearson

Soy Bomb By Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives 

Cast Your Fate To The Wind By Allen Toussaint

Vince McMahon Theme By Jim Johnston and  Peter Bursuker

Dynasty Theme By Bill Conti


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(Ep. 49): SR Podcast - June 2015

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

This is it! The penultimate episode before 50th episode extravaganza!

You'll swoon for June as the boys discover that there is no safe joke to be made about Caitlyn Jenner.  They instead decide to tackle stories such as a Big Trouble In Little China reboot, a Jack Bauer spinoff, and a James Bond free for all on Simplistic Showcase.  Justin and DJ later pay off a debt and discuss the 2014 horror anomaly that is Ouija.  A conversation that introduces not one, not two, but three new characters.  There is also the introduction of an old game played in a new way known as Simplistic Password.  And The ongoing mystery between the boys and Julie reaches its climax.

Oh and Shia Labeouf closes out the show.

All this and more on a highly questionable, slightly offensive, Smokey and the Bandit themed episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

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(Ep. 48): Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment - Movie Commentary - May 2015

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

proxy?url=http%3A%2F%2Ftheawesome80s.netIt's Monday 

Movie Night

Movie Commentary!

Police Academy 2: 

Their First Assignment

1985 / Comedy / 87 mins

We already watched the classic Police Academy. 

So now we continue this marathon with its sequel Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment.

Many movie franchises have had equality or superior sequels. Movie franchises like The Godfather, The Dark Knight, Star Wars. Police Academy 2 is not one of them. In fact its the complete opposite and is a pretty bad film with only one good take away, Zed.

So sit back with the popcorn as we try to get though by having a few laughs at the expense of this weak sequel.

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Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 47): SR Podcast - May 2015

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

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In honor of Mother's Day, The Simplistic Reviews Podcast has assembled their regular team of badass motherf*%kers to ring in the month of May. They touch on Suicide Squad...they touch on the Joss Whedon haters...they touch on Tom Brady's balls...all in an effort to entertain you.  So sit back, give it a listen, and say hello to your mother for me.

6:37 Simplistic Showcase

36:53 TV Roundup

59:44 Hey F*%khead

Also as a special treat...here is an outtake that was too ridiculous not to share with the world

Show Notes

Redrum

Ally McBeal

Andy Kaufman

Lord Humongous

Music Notes

My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga

We Gotta Get Out Of This Place By The Animals

Birds And Brass By Sort Of Soul

The Great Escape Theme By Paul Bateman


                         Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 46): SR Podcast - Late April Podcast 2015

October 17, 2016

StiticherlogoCAST.pngFOR MATURE AUDIENCES

You might be asking yourself, "What?! Another Simplistic Reviews Podcast?  You mean these guys are actually getting off of their ass and putting out content for the public to consume?"  Yes, it might sound crazy, but.....uh....yeah....another podcast....from us.....Simplistic Reviews.

As we get closer and closer to our grandest episode so far; Number 50, we look back at our lives and search for meaning, apparently that means we bring up Bill Cosby again, the fact that Iceman is now gay, Donatello is dead, and fantasize about Moira Quirk in that sexy referee outfit...mmmmmm.....

All this, and our newest segment, Simply Say Anything, where we hold a radio over our head and praise the likes of Lena Dunham, Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2, and explain why Quentin Tarantino is actually the worst director in modern cinema.  Have we lost our minds.....maybe....but we're not telling, and you'll just have to listen to this month's SIMPLISTIC REVIEWS PODCAST!!!!  WHY AM I YELLING...IN PRINT?!?!?!

  SHOW NOTES

Moira Quirk

Spider-man Shortlist

Tarantino in Sleep With Me

Donny is Dead

Iceman Gay?

Mark Summers' non-Double Dare accident

MUSIC NOTES

My Flows Is Tight By Lord Digga

We Gotta Get Out Of This Place By The Animals

Birds And Brass By Sort Of Soul

In Your Eyes By Peter Gabriel

Nickelodeon GUTS theme

Human Beings By Van Halen

Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

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(Ep. 45): Slaughter High - Movie Commentary: April 2015

October 17, 2016

Movie Commentary Time!

slaughterhigh1.jpgSlaughter High

1986 - 90 mins - Slasher/Horror

Today we watch and make fun of the 90 min B-Slasher film, Slaughter High. We know what you are saying, "It's finally here!" Since the Podcast gang has been talking about Slaughter High numerous times on Podcasts and even a episode on Unboxing/Reviews.

Slaughter High is about eight people that are invited to their 10-year high school reunion at their now-closed down high school where a former student, disfigured from a prank gone wrong, is there to seek revenge. Simple and to the point but it's got its issues.

Slaughter High is a fun, entertaining film of which everyone should see. If you haven't this is the perfect time to watch!

Also this Movie Commentary is sponsor by Tide Stick!

Remember kids, if you go on a murderous rampage bring along a Tide Stick!

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(Ep. 44): Police Academy - Movie Commentary: April 2015

October 17, 2016

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES


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Today is movie commentary day! Today we watch the one and only Police Academy.

There isn't another movie in the likes of Police Academy. I mean how many movies include a human soundboard, extreme racism, a man in a horses ass and a surprise blow job to a 100 year old man (that could possibly be or not be by Steve Guttenberg).

Sounds like the perfect ingredients for the perfect film right? Well it is one of the funniest comedies ever made. So cue up that VHS copy of Police Academy and prepare to laugh at one of the more ridiculous comedies ever made.

 SHOW NOTES

Vampire Academy Joke


Police Academy - Trailer


Police Academy - Theme Song



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