Simplistic Reviews Podcasts
Simplistic Reviews is everything your parents told you to not turn into. We talk and review movies, TV and games from the past and the present. Light that fire and bring the family in to enjoy, don’t worry if you don’t have a fire because we’ll always bring the warmth. Visit us at www.Simplistic.Reviews
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Episodes
Tuesday Jul 17, 2018
Tuesday Jul 17, 2018
It's July, so that means it's time for a summer blowout episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. We broach many subjects includrtl=0" width="100%">ng Star Wars' big problem, Robocop reboots, Chris Hardwick's troubles, and the Naked Gun. Yes...that assortment of subjects has never been collectively tackled before. Also Justin is put on the hot seat for the new segment Questions From The Crowd. DJ and Justin go crazy with their love for the television show 24. And the boys try and figure out films by their last line in the new game Simplistic Last Lines. All that and more on this new episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
NOTES
Jack & Nina
The End Of Every Episode Of Police Squad
MUSIC
Fast Times Club By Idols
Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander
4. For Losing It By The Triads
Tuesday Jul 03, 2018
Tuesday Jul 03, 2018
Ring of the Musketeers
PG-13
1992 ‧ Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 26m
As descendants of the original Three Musketeers, Peter Porthos (Thomas Gottschalk), John Smith D'Artagnan (David Hasselhoff) and Anne-Marie Athos (Alison Doody) are continuing the chivalrous tradition of protecting those who can't protect themselves, carrying it into the modern age. Rather than fighting lords and counts, these Musketeers have the Mafia to deal with, but they're aided by reformed burglar Burt Aramis (Cheech Marin), the newly knighted fourth Musketeer.
Initial release: December 1, 1992 (Germany)Director: John ParagonProduction company: Motion Picture Corporation of AmericaScreenplay: John Paragon, Joel SurnowProducers:Brad Krevoy, Steven Stabler
Plug that VHS player back in! It time for some David Hasselhoff! That's right, today we watch the Ring of the Musketeers. A made for TV film that... well... nobody remembers. But when you have a modern day (90's) Musketeers film that has a cast that contains the Hoff, Cheech Marin, Alison Doody, John Rhys-Davies, Corbin Bernsen, Timothy Stack, Ricky Jay and Branscombe Richmond. You pretty much stop whatever you are doing and pop this VHS in.
So fix that tracking and enjoy that mono audio (yes this VHS wasn't in stereo) and repeat, Unus pro omnibus, omnes pro uno! Because we do this together ladies and gents! This is the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary of Ring of the Musketeers!
Tuesday Jul 03, 2018
Tuesday Jul 03, 2018
Ring of the Musketeers
PG-13
1992 ‧ Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 26m
As descendants of the original Three Musketeers, Peter Porthos (Thomas Gottschalk), John Smith D'Artagnan (David Hasselhoff) and Anne-Marie Athos (Alison Doody) are continuing the chivalrous tradition of protecting those who can't protect themselves, carrying it into the modern age. Rather than fighting lords and counts, these Musketeers have the Mafia to deal with, but they're aided by reformed burglar Burt Aramis (Cheech Marin), the newly knighted fourth Musketeer.
Initial release: December 1, 1992 (Germany)Director: John ParagonProduction company: Motion Picture Corporation of AmericaScreenplay: John Paragon, Joel SurnowProducers:Brad Krevoy, Steven Stabler
Plug that VHS player back in! It time for some David Hasselhoff! That's right, today we watch the Ring of the Musketeers. A made for TV film that... well... nobody remembers. But when you have a modern day (90's) Musketeers film that has a cast that contains the Hoff, Cheech Marin, Alison Doody, John Rhys-Davies, Corbin Bernsen, Timothy Stack, Ricky Jay and Branscombe Richmond. You pretty much stop whatever you are doing and pop this VHS in.
So fix that tracking and enjoy that mono audio (yes this VHS wasn't in stereo) and repeat, Unus pro omnibus, omnes pro uno! Because we do this together ladies and gents! This is the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary of Ring of the Musketeers!
Monday Jun 11, 2018
Monday Jun 11, 2018
School might be out for summer, but not the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. We are back with special guest Dan "The Comic Book Concierge" Clark from The GeekCast Radio Network and CinemaGeeks Podcast, a couple of call-in friends of ours stop by, and we discuss everything from IHOP changing to IHOB, Hailee Steinfeld having Shape Of Water sex with an Autobot, and of course, the real problem with Hitler...you're gonna have to listen to find out what the hell that means on a brand new episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
NOTES
IHOB
David Tyree
Get A Life
MUSIC
Neon Love By Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison, and Tim Reilly
Five Dollar Bill By Jason Pedder & Ben Ziapour
Midnight Ride By Richard Kimmings & Jason Pedder
Variety Time By Tim Garland
Saturday Jun 02, 2018
Saturday Jun 02, 2018
Justice League
PG-13 2017 ‧ Fantasy/Science fiction film ‧ 2 hours
Fuelled by his restored faith in humanity, and inspired by Superman's selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists newfound ally Diana Prince to face an even greater threat. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman work quickly to recruit a team to stand against this newly-awakened enemy. Despite the formation of an unprecedented league of heroes in Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash, it may be too late to save the planet from an assault of catastrophic proportions.
Initial release: November 15, 2017 (Sweden)
Director: Zack Snyder
Initial DVD release: March 13, 2018 (USA)
Box office: 657.9 million USD
Well... like DJ mentioned, we kept going with these damn DCU movie commentaries. We didn't really want to watch JL but we had to get it over with.
But hey it is still better then Batman V Superman Dawn of Justice, that's something right? Don't worry we will get back to the crappy but fun films that include a good old T&A drinking game.
So sit back and enjoy a okay film that's somewhat coherent and looks a ton better then Dawn of Justice. Grab that beer and laugh at the terrible CG... and that laughable mustache removal...man that was horrible.
Oh and we added a new gimmick. Starting with Justice League, after every movie commentary we'll spin a wheel to find out what we watch next. Fun stuff!
Today we took a spin on our new wheel!!!
We spun The Wheel of Doom (TM) a collection of request films by viewers like you!
...and we get something odd. Hint: It involves the Musketeers and David Hasselhoff...yep the HOFF...nothing but fun...
Hey did you know: Justice League is the fourth-most-expensive film ever made. Amazing is it not?! wikipedia.org
Friday Jun 01, 2018
Friday Jun 01, 2018
Justice League
PG-13 2017 ‧ Fantasy/Science fiction film ‧ 2 hours
Fuelled by his restored faith in humanity, and inspired by Superman's selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists newfound ally Diana Prince to face an even greater threat. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman work quickly to recruit a team to stand against this newly-awakened enemy. Despite the formation of an unprecedented league of heroes in Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash, it may be too late to save the planet from an assault of catastrophic proportions.
Initial release: November 15, 2017 (Sweden)
Director: Zack Snyder
Initial DVD release: March 13, 2018 (USA)
Box office: 657.9 million USD
Well... like DJ mentioned, we kept going with these damn DCU movie commentaries. We didn't really want to watch JL but we had to get it over with.
But hey it is still better then Batman V Superman Dawn of Justice, that's something right? Don't worry we will get back to the crappy but fun films that include a good old T&A drinking game.
So sit back and enjoy a okay film that's somewhat coherent and looks a ton better then Dawn of Justice. Grab that beer and laugh at the terrible CG... and that laughable mustache removal...man that was horrible.
Oh and we added a new gimmick. Starting with Justice League, after every movie commentary we'll spin a wheel to find out what we watch next. Fun stuff!
Today we took a spin on our new wheel!!!
We spun The Wheel of Doom (TM) a collection of request films by viewers like you!
...and we get something odd. Hint: It involves the Musketeers and David Hasselhoff...yep the HOFF...nothing but fun...
Hey did you know: Justice League is the fourth-most-expensive film ever made. Amazing is it not?! wikipedia.org
Wednesday May 09, 2018
Wednesday May 09, 2018
House II: The Second Story
PG-13
1987 ‧ Adventure/Horror ‧ 1h 28m
A man (Arye Gross) and his friend (Jonathan Stark) exhume an ancestor (Royal Dano) in the house
where his parents were killed.
Initial release: August 28, 1987
Director: Ethan Wiley
Budget: 3 million USD
Producer: Sean S. Cunningham
Production company: New World Pictures
Well you can't say we don't love you. Today Matt and Justin watch a movie from the Lister requested submissions. Sometimes we find fun and enjoyable films, that ether we never watched or never heard of. But that isn't always the case. Ep. 103 we cross off another one, House 2: The Second Story. A film not watched by the two in a collective 30 plus years. What we found out is its not as good as we once remembered. House 2 is under the horror genre which is a lie. Eventhough it is a sequel to the 1986 film House, House 2 does not involve the storyline and character from the first film, including the horror feel. House 2 is supernatural fantasy "comedy".
Frankly its a mess of a film. If you haven't already watched the first House then skip this and check House.
Wednesday May 09, 2018
Wednesday May 09, 2018
House II: The Second Story
PG-13
1987 ‧ Adventure/Horror ‧ 1h 28m
A man (Arye Gross) and his friend (Jonathan Stark) exhume an ancestor (Royal Dano) in the house
where his parents were killed.
Initial release: August 28, 1987
Director: Ethan Wiley
Budget: 3 million USD
Producer: Sean S. Cunningham
Production company: New World Pictures
Well you can't say we don't love you. Today Matt and Justin watch a movie from the Lister requested submissions. Sometimes we find fun and enjoyable films, that ether we never watched or never heard of. But that isn't always the case. Ep. 103 we cross off another one, House 2: The Second Story. A film not watched by the two in a collective 30 plus years. What we found out is its not as good as we once remembered. House 2 is under the horror genre which is a lie. Eventhough it is a sequel to the 1986 film House, House 2 does not involve the storyline and character from the first film, including the horror feel. House 2 is supernatural fantasy "comedy".
Frankly its a mess of a film. If you haven't already watched the first House then skip this and check House.
Friday Apr 06, 2018
Friday Apr 06, 2018
This isn't a joke...the boys are back on the airwaves with another edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast...or are they? You be the judge of whether you think they're back or not. I might be telling you here that they are back, but are they truly "back." And if their back, where are they back from? The Future, School, Training, To Back, In Black, Rubs, In The Habit, For The First Time, again, it's up to you to decide...
This month, the shenanigans range to these nincompoops yelling about whether Spielberg or Scorsese did it better, and by IT they mean holding the camera and making millionaires do things on camera, to the merits of Justin actually discovering he's North African and how we can us that to our advantage.
There is also the return of Simplistic Switcharoo where the fellas tackle the big questions of whether Nicolas Cage could be replaced by John Malkovich in Face/Off and after a long a sordid history, Matt might finally come to terms with the concept of Anne Hathaway.
All this, and of course your monthly dose of dick and fart jokes, on The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, if you SMELL.....what THE CROCK.....is cookin'!!
NOTES
Anne 'Cat'haway
ASMR Porn
Nic Cage and Peaches
Macho Madness
Diplomatic Immunity
MUSIC
Neon Love by Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison and Tim Reilly
Hit the Jackpot by David James
80s Killed The Radio Star by Bobby Cole
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Friday Mar 23, 2018
Friday Mar 23, 2018
Undefeatable
R
1994 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 35m 4.1/10 · IMDb
The boys of Simplistic Reviews are back! Let's be honest you never believed Ep. 100 was our last... did you? No we can't stop with all these crappy movies out there. Plus the current world we live in needs some terrible grotesque jokes. So sit back, turn off the lights and enjoy some undefeatable puns...no...they suck...its pretty sad.Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock) who, along with her gang, take part in Mafia-run street fights to earn money for her sister's college education. Kristi's sister hopes to become a doctor and pay for Kristi's education.Meanwhile, an underground fighter by the name of "Stingray" (Don Niam) is left by his scared wife, Anna, after raping her, and vows to find her. Stingray has suffered from abandonment issues since early childhood and this new trauma triggers a psychotic break from reality. He begins to kidnap women who resemble his ex-wife, and subsequently tortures them and gouges their eyes out before returning their bodies to the crime scene. Kristi's sister becomes one of the victims, so Kristi tracks down Stingray with the help of police officer Nick DiMarco (John Miller), who might just be falling for her, alongside her sister's psychiatry tutor Jennifer (Donna Jason) and Nick's partner Mike (Gerald Klein).They eventually track down Stingray, who has kidnapped Jennifer, and fight in a warehouse where he escapes after shooting and killing Mike. Jennifer's injuries, though relatively minor, require that she be admitted to the hospital where she is again kidnapped by Stingray who is impersonating a doctor. Kristi and Nick chase him to a storage area where the three do battle, mostly through hand-to-hand combat. Stingray is bested by the pair, having both eyes gouged out in the process. He's then suspended by the eye-sockets with a meat hook, killing him.The final scene shows with Kristi and her friends visiting her late sister's resting place to inform her that Stingray has finally been defeated. It is revealed that Kristi has somehow enrolled her former gang in college to give them a chance at a better life, and that Kristi has also been enrolled in college by Nick. The film ends with the group engaging in an impassioned four way high-five.