Simplistic Reviews Podcasts
(Ep. 122): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast - July 2019

(Ep. 122): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast - July 2019

July 4, 2019

Happy Fourth Of July! A holiday you that’s best with the fireworks that only the Simplistic Reviews Podcast can give you. On this return episode, the boys discuss what they did on their summer break, which includes hospital visits that lead to an interaction with Michael Keaton, their top 3 episodes of Black Mirror, some of Quincy Jones’ best hits…on fellow celebrities, and how much they would need to get paid to let a female soccer player kick them in the nethers. And to top it off, they play the explosive game Simplistic Submarine. All that and more on this comeback episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast 

MUSIC 
Fast Times By IDOLS 
Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander 
Variety Time By Tim Garland 

NOTES 
Alex Morgan 

Quincy Jones Rumor About Brando

Black Mirror

Simplistic Interview with Heather Buckley, Producer of “The Ranger”

Simplistic Interview with Heather Buckley, Producer of “The Ranger”

June 7, 2019

On this Simplistic Interview, we sit down with Heather Buckley, producer of the 2018 horror film "The Ranger."

From days writing at Fangoria Magazine to pitching films at Cannes and South by Southwest, Matt and Heather discuss what it was that got her into horror, how inclusion is shaping the horror genre, and essentially how she is an encyclopedia of genre knowledge. Oh, and of course punk rock!

Follow her all over social media too!

Twitter: @_HeatherBuckley

Instagram: www.instagram.com/_heatherbuckley

And of course check out "The Ranger!"

Twitter: @TheRangerMovie

Instagram: @therangermovie

Streaming on Shudder, Amazon Prime, and anywhere else where you can find great horror flicks.

(Ep. 121): Fire Down Below - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio) - May 2019

(Ep. 121): Fire Down Below - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio) - May 2019

May 24, 2019

We started this new year off with a film from 90's action star and serial eater, Steven Seagal's Hard to Kill! We continue the Seagal Saga with Fire Down Below, you know the EPA action film...no not that one...the other one...yeah there is another EPA action film.

Fire Down Below
R

 1997 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 45m

Description

When an EPA representative is discovered dead in a small Midwestern town, government agent Jack Taggart (Steven Seagal) goes undercover to check things out. He finds that local coal mogul Orin Hanner Sr. (Kris Kristofferson) is cutting financial corners by disposing of hazardous waste wherever he pleases and that local kids are falling ill because of this recklessness. Taggart then works to stop the shady activity and save the town, but Hanner and his thugs soon grow suspicious of him.

Initial release: December 13, 1997 (South Korea)
Budget: 42 million USD
Box office: 16.2 million USD
Music composed by: Nick Glennie-Smith
(Ep. 121): Fire Down Below - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio) - May 2019

(Ep. 121): Fire Down Below - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio) - May 2019

May 24, 2019

We started this new year off with a film from 90's action star and serial eater, Steven Seagal's Hard to Kill! We continue the Seagal Saga with Fire Down Below, you know the EPA action film...no not that one...the other one...yeah there is another EPA action film.

Fire Down Below
R

 1997 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 45m

Description

When an EPA representative is discovered dead in a small Midwestern town, government agent Jack Taggart (Steven Seagal) goes undercover to check things out. He finds that local coal mogul Orin Hanner Sr. (Kris Kristofferson) is cutting financial corners by disposing of hazardous waste wherever he pleases and that local kids are falling ill because of this recklessness. Taggart then works to stop the shady activity and save the town, but Hanner and his thugs soon grow suspicious of him.

Initial release: December 13, 1997 (South Korea)
Budget: 42 million USD
Box office: 16.2 million USD
Music composed by: Nick Glennie-Smith
Simplistic Interview with Cody Meirick, Director of “Scary Stories”

Simplistic Interview with Cody Meirick, Director of “Scary Stories”

May 20, 2019

Matt sits down with Cody Meirick, Director and Producer of the new documentary Scary Stories.

Find out more about Scary Stories:
Scarystoriesdoc.com
bit.ly/WatchScaryStories
Facebook.com/scarystoriesmovie
Twitter.com/scarystoriesdoc
Instagram.com/scarystoriesdoc

(Ep. 120): Guns - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio) - April 2019 April 2019

(Ep. 120): Guns - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio) - April 2019 April 2019

April 26, 2019
April 26 is here!

Sure, the mystery movie commentaries were fun. But you knew what you wanted and we knew what you needed. So today we give it like it has never been given...That is why, for no other reason, April 26 was circled on our calendars.

A date we know a lot of you have been counting down towards.

A date that will most likely go down in movie history.

April 26, 2019.

The date Simplistic Reviews finally watched...Guns!

Guns.png

Guns
1990 ‧ Thriller/Drama ‧ 1h 36m

Description

Initial release: November 9, 1990
Director: Andy Sidaris
 

A South American gunrunner (Erik Estrada) uses an island in Hawaii as his base of operations. A squad of beautiful government airfreighters Donna (Dona Speir) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez) agents is sent to put him out of business.

Shit yeah! Andy Sidaris! The Sidaris Cinematic Universe continues of the greatest movie series ever! Bombs! Bullets and Babes! This isn't no children's Endgame, this is real shit!

 
 
 
 
(Ep. 120): Guns - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio) - April 2019 April 2019

(Ep. 120): Guns - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio) - April 2019 April 2019

April 26, 2019
April 26 is here!

Sure, the mystery movie commentaries were fun. But you knew what you wanted and we knew what you needed. So today we give it like it has never been given...That is why, for no other reason, April 26 was circled on our calendars.

A date we know a lot of you have been counting down towards.

A date that will most likely go down in movie history.

April 26, 2019.

The date Simplistic Reviews finally watched...Guns!

Guns.png

Guns
1990 ‧ Thriller/Drama ‧ 1h 36m

Description

Initial release: November 9, 1990
Director: Andy Sidaris
 

A South American gunrunner (Erik Estrada) uses an island in Hawaii as his base of operations. A squad of beautiful government airfreighters Donna (Dona Speir) and Nicole (Roberta Vasquez) agents is sent to put him out of business.

Shit yeah! Andy Sidaris! The Sidaris Cinematic Universe continues of the greatest movie series ever! Bombs! Bullets and Babes! This isn't no children's Endgame, this is real shit!

 
 
 
 
(Ep. 119): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast - April 2019

(Ep. 119): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast - April 2019

April 3, 2019

 

 The Simplistic Reviews Podcast is back from Spring break...clean...sober...and ready to go. One of those things are true. The boys discuss everything they missed since they’ve been gone. From James Gunn rehiring, to the etymology of the word “trump”, to that famous last line in Lethal Weapon 2. You remember that one right? We sure didn’t. Doug Funny, Oregon Trail, Jenny & Melissa McCarthy...all points of interest or disinterest on this Spring fling episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. 

 

MUSIC

Fast Times Club By IDOL

Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander

(Ep. 118): Mystery Movie 2 - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio) - April 2019

(Ep. 118): Mystery Movie 2 - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio) - April 2019

March 31, 2019

Kazam%2BmMC.jpg

So last time we tried something new, something mysterious, something crazy!

The people responded and wanted more or we're just untalented hacks...anyway we did it again!

Matt and Justin watch a movie just in-time for another movie that's due out April 5. Wow a movie commentary tie-in? Kinda...But unlike last time, both Matt and Justin have seen this film before.

Sure, it may be just a one off type of film but damn its really mysterious is it not?

So join Matt as he joins DJ in a movie commentary like none other...a mystery movie...eh movie commentary!?

(Ep. 118): Mystery Movie 2 - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio) - April 2019

(Ep. 118): Mystery Movie 2 - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio) - April 2019

March 31, 2019

Kazam%2BmMC.jpg

So last time we tried something new, something mysterious, something crazy!

The people responded and wanted more or we're just untalented hacks...anyway we did it again!

Matt and Justin watch a movie just in-time for another movie that's due out April 5. Wow a movie commentary tie-in? Kinda...But unlike last time, both Matt and Justin have seen this film before.

Sure, it may be just a one off type of film but damn its really mysterious is it not?

So join Matt as he joins DJ in a movie commentary like none other...a mystery movie...eh movie commentary!?

(Ep. 117): Mystery Movie - Movie Commentary: March 2019

(Ep. 117): Mystery Movie - Movie Commentary: March 2019

March 1, 2019
mystery%2Bmovie.png

Today we try something new, something mysterious, something crazy! DJ and Justin watch a movie like they did so many times before. But this time it's different. This time Justin carefully selected from the Simplistic Reviews ever growing library of shitty movies, a film DJ has never seen nor heard of.

And that's not all. This time DJ has no idea what he will be watching, he knows nothing, just like you!

So join DJ as he is only aware of recording a movie commentary...not what movie...but...a mystery movie!

(Ep. 116): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: February

(Ep. 116): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: February

February 9, 2019

 

 

 

February is not only the month of love. It is also the month in which the hooligans from the Simplistic Reviews Podcast return! On this season premiere episode, the boys have intellectual discussions/ profanity-laced tangents about Liam Neeson’s past, America’s rampant use of blackface, Benedict Cumberbatch‘s most creepy role, Jeff Goldblum (AGAIN), and Albert Finney’s best role...Dr. Albert Hirsch in the Bourne Ultimatum...it’s subjective.

 

All that and more on this heartwarming and romantic February episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES

 

 

MUSIC

Fast Times Club By IDOL

Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander

(Ep. 115): Hard To Kill - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): January 2019

(Ep. 115): Hard To Kill - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): January 2019

January 13, 2019

Kelly%2Blebrock.jpgThe new year is here and so is a new batch of Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentaries! 

We start this new year off with a film from 90's action star and serial eater, Steven Seagal. Which Seagal film? Well, since Steven has a large collection of so bad its good, we figured we get out one of the better Seagal films that also has some of our favorite lines.

Stay warm with the boys from SR on this chilly January Sunday and let's watch some Hard to Kill!

 

Hard to Kill
1990 ‧ Drama/Thriller ‧ 1h 40m
Hard%2Bto%2Bkill.jpg

When police detective Mason Storm (Steven Seagal) uncovers ties among corrupt cops, the mob and charismatic politician Vernon Trent (Bill Sadler), a hit is ordered on his family. During the attack, Storm's wife is killed, and the cop himself is severely injured. After waking up from a years-long coma, Storm, aided by gorgeous nurse Andy Stewart (Kelly LeBrock), slowly gets back on his feet and plots revenge against those who wronged him, particularly the duplicitous Sen. Trent.

 

Release date: February 9, 1990 (USA)

Director: Bruce Malmuth
Box office: 47.4 million USD
Screenplay: Steven McKay
Music composed by: David Michael Frank
 
 

 

 
(Ep. 115): Hard To Kill - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): January 2019

(Ep. 115): Hard To Kill - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): January 2019

January 13, 2019

Kelly%2Blebrock.jpgThe new year is here and so is a new batch of Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentaries! 

We start this new year off with a film from 90's action star and serial eater, Steven Seagal. Which Seagal film? Well, since Steven has a large collection of so bad its good, we figured we get out one of the better Seagal films that also has some of our favorite lines.

Stay warm with the boys from SR on this chilly January Sunday and let's watch some Hard to Kill!

 

Hard to Kill
1990 ‧ Drama/Thriller ‧ 1h 40m
Hard%2Bto%2Bkill.jpg

When police detective Mason Storm (Steven Seagal) uncovers ties among corrupt cops, the mob and charismatic politician Vernon Trent (Bill Sadler), a hit is ordered on his family. During the attack, Storm's wife is killed, and the cop himself is severely injured. After waking up from a years-long coma, Storm, aided by gorgeous nurse Andy Stewart (Kelly LeBrock), slowly gets back on his feet and plots revenge against those who wronged him, particularly the duplicitous Sen. Trent.

Release date: February 9, 1990 (USA)
Director: Bruce Malmuth
Box office: 47.4 million USD
Screenplay: Steven McKay
Music composed by: David Michael Frank
 
 

 

 
(Ep. 114): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: December 2018

(Ep. 114): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: December 2018

December 21, 2018

Happy Holidays to all, and to all a good podcast! The Simplistic Reviews Podcast is back to jingle some bells and deck some halls with Simon Appleton from Moustache Movie News. We ask the expert in all things U.K. everything from Brexit, the metric system, and Meghan Markel...we also take a break to read some Christmas cards sent to Santa, much to the chagrin of our Jewish cohost Matthew Stewart. We also bring back one of our favorite games, Simplistic Titles, to see if Simon knows what movies are real and which ones come from the dark recesses of DJ Valentine's twisted mind. All that reindeer crap and more on a fa-la-la-la-loaded episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast

 

MUSIC

Deck The Halls By Album House

Hark The Herald Angels Sing By Album House

Jingle Bells By Album House

O Little Town Of Bethlehem By Album House

We Wish You An Indie Christmas By Aaron Tosti

Happy Christmas Deck The Halls By Be Still The Earth

8-Bit Blues By Fairlight

Move By OBOY

 

NOTES

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang Audition

Aladdin First Look

Lindsey Lohan Beach Club

Simplistic Reviews: Aquaman

Simplistic Reviews: Aquaman

December 17, 2018

Today we try something new. DJ and Justin sit down and talk about what they liked, didn't like and what should of been.

This is Simplistic Reviews on Aquaman.

Aquaman
PG-13

2018 ‧ Fantasy/Science Fiction ‧ 2h 22m

 
Once home to the most advanced civilization on Earth, the city of Atlantis is now an underwater kingdom ruled by the power-hungry King Orm. With a vast army at his disposal, Orm plans to conquer the remaining oceanic people -- and then the surface world. Standing in his way is Aquaman, Orm's half-human, half-Atlantean brother and true heir to the throne. With help from royal counselor Vulko, Aquaman must retrieve the legendary Trident of Atlan and embrace his destiny as protector of the deep.
 
Release date: December 21, 2018 (USA)
Director: James Wan
 
(Ep. 113): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: November 2018

(Ep. 113): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: November 2018

November 30, 2018

Nov 2018

Don't count your turkeys before they're clucked...that's a saying, right? The Simplistic Reviews Podcast for November comes right under the wire just in time to tell you what happened to Harry Potter, explore the career and voice of Kathleen Turner, discuss the filmography of Steven Seagal and create a brand new Pokemon. The boys test the limits of reality with the return of Believable Or Bullshit. Justin reveals which classic '70s show he'll be watching next on TV Roundup. And we flip Hollywood on its head with another edition of Simplistic Switcheroo. All that and more on the award-winning Simplistic Reviews Podcast.


NOTES

Hard To Kill

HPV Michael Douglas

Detective Pikachu

Michael J. Fox on Curb

 

MUSIC

Fast Times By Idols

Sun Traces By Isaac Joel

Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander

Runaway Ghost By Travis Loafman

(Ep. 112): If Looks Could Kill - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): Novemeber 2018

(Ep. 112): If Looks Could Kill - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): Novemeber 2018

November 13, 2018
If Looks Could Kill
PG-13 1991 ‧ Action/Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 28m
 
MOV_3b1bdc94_b.jpg

Before he can graduate, cocky high school student Michael Corben (Richard Grieco) travels to France on a school trip to earn a missing French credit. But when a British intelligence agent mistakes Michael for a spy of the same name, they rush him to headquarters and assign him to capture the evil Augustus Steranko (Roger Rees), using a plethora of espionage gadgetry. Michael has the time of his life -- until he crosses paths with two assassins (Tom Rack, Carole Davis) who want him dead.
Initial release: March 15, 1991
Director: William Dear
 
 
Why? Because why not! Open that bottle of wine you keep thinking about and spend a lovely evening with DJ, Matt, Justin and the God that is Richard Grieco. Feast your eyes upon the Grieco and say goodbye to your family, because looks can kill!  
 

 

d6fd3d850-1.jpg

v1.jpg

 

 
(Ep. 112): If Looks Could Kill - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): Novemeber 2018

(Ep. 112): If Looks Could Kill - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): Novemeber 2018

November 13, 2018
If Looks Could Kill
PG-13 1991 ‧ Action/Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 28m
 
MOV_3b1bdc94_b.jpg

Before he can graduate, cocky high school student Michael Corben (Richard Grieco) travels to France on a school trip to earn a missing French credit. But when a British intelligence agent mistakes Michael for a spy of the same name, they rush him to headquarters and assign him to capture the evil Augustus Steranko (Roger Rees), using a plethora of espionage gadgetry. Michael has the time of his life -- until he crosses paths with two assassins (Tom Rack, Carole Davis) who want him dead.
Initial release: March 15, 1991
Director: William Dear
 
 
Why? Because why not! Open that bottle of wine you keep thinking about and spend a lovely evening with DJ, Matt, Justin and the God that is Richard Grieco. Feast your eyes upon the Grieco and say goodbye to your family, because looks can kill!  
 

 

d6fd3d850-1.jpg

v1.jpg

 

 
(Ep. 111): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: October 2018

(Ep. 111): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: October 2018

October 29, 2018

giphy.gif

What could be more spooky then a Simplistic Reviews Spooktastic Podcast? Okay so you could just  turn on the news which is scary enough.

Today, we bring the Halloween to your ears on the 111th episode of... wait this episode is number 111? So I times 111 by 6... 666!!!, Oh my god Gregory Sestero its the mark of the beast! Damn that's perfect timing or we held off a movie commentary from being released to make a Halloween stupid joke. Nay...not us we aren't that cheesy.

So let's all indulge into some candy, laugh, drink and talk about news and some spooky thoughts we had recently as well make fun of those shitty Hollywood scumbags on this episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

Boooo!

ghostbusters.jpg

 





S1:E3 - Simplistic Reviews Show Live!

S1:E3 - Simplistic Reviews Show Live!

October 1, 2018

The guys from Simplistic Reviews sit around and talk news. Check out the Simplistic Reviews Podcast for good old family entertainment and Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary to have them over at your house.

Podcast:
iTunes: https://goo.gl/orhsR4
Spotify: https://goo.gl/pcBg5V
Site: http://SimplisticReviews.net
Twitter: https://twitter.com/simpletweeters
Facebook: http://facebook.com/SimplisticReviews
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/simplygramming

(Ep. 110): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: September 2018

(Ep. 110): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: September 2018

September 11, 2018

 The Simplistic Reviews Podcast is back from our August break and raring to go. And since we thought the show could use more of a fangirl touch, we got the biggest and best fangirl of them all, Jeanette Ward from The Mundane Adventures Of A Fangirl. And as gracious hosts, we immediately put Ms. Ward in the hot seat during another edition of Questions From The Crowd. The gang also go against their better nature while playing Say Anything. Shane Black, Cardi B Nicki Minaj Beef, and midichlorians...all things discussed on the latest episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

 

NOTES

Ray Liotta Commercial

Nicki Minaj & Cardi B Fight

Glass Noodles

Blockbuster Video 

 

MUSIC

60's Blues Rock Kinda Thing By Aaron Tosti

Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander

Fast Times Club By Idols

(Ep. 109): Killing American Style - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): September 2018

(Ep. 109): Killing American Style - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): September 2018

September 5, 2018

(with Movie Audio)

Well it's not Samurai Cop...

 

Killing-American-Style-poster.jpgWelcome back to the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary! Today we pop in another Amir Shervan film, Killing American Style. It's the 80's and of course Amir will recycle from his masterpiece Samurai Cop; location, music and beefy men with long beautiful hair.  The terrible acting mix with cheesy fight scene is the best part along with its nonexistent script. Killing American Style is no Samurai Cop. It's not as funny nor crazy but still a entertaining film except for one thing - rape. 

The amount of creepiness is beyond anything we have seen before. There really isn't a need for rape in a movie, especially when the story line doesn't call for it. A simple walk into the room with the door closing gets it point across, what we get here is out of control and unnecessary. Killing American Style is a fun Sunday film to drink and laugh at, just look at that title. But when your looking for another Samurai Cop don't look at Killing American Style, it's in a league of its own. 

 

0-WXdZZ-3EmM2H5VPe.jpg

 

 

33640409_914198958788150_849420969234661

 

 

o160429_fd494.jpg

 

(Ep. 109): Killing American Style - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): September 2018

(Ep. 109): Killing American Style - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): September 2018

September 5, 2018

(without Movie Audio)

Well it's not Samurai Cop...

 

Killing-American-Style-poster.jpgWelcome back to the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary! Today we pop in another Amir Shervan film, Killing American Style. It's the 80's and of course Amir will recycle from his masterpiece Samurai Cop; location, music and beefy men with long beautiful hair.  The terrible acting mix with cheesy fight scene is the best part along with its nonexistent script. Killing American Style is no Samurai Cop. It's not as funny nor crazy but still a entertaining film except for one thing - rape. 

The amount of creepiness is beyond anything we have seen before. There really isn't a need for rape in a movie, especially when the story line doesn't call for it. A simple walk into the room with the door closing gets it point across, what we get here is out of control and unnecessary. Killing American Style is a fun Sunday film to drink and laugh at, just look at that title. But when your looking for another Samurai Cop don't look at Killing American Style, it's in a league of its own. 

 

0-WXdZZ-3EmM2H5VPe.jpg

 

 

33640409_914198958788150_849420969234661

 

 

o160429_fd494.jpg

 

S1:E2 - Simplistic Reviews Show Live!

S1:E2 - Simplistic Reviews Show Live!

August 8, 2018

S1:E2 - Simplistic Reviews Show Live!

Gather the children around, episode 2 has arrived.

Simplistic Reviews Show Live! is a talk show. If you thought the gang couldn't possibly talk more than their Simplistic Reviews Podcast or Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary, then you thought wrong. Today we talk about some Fallout, debrief our last movie commentary Uncle Sam as well reveal the next movie commentary and look at some news.

 

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Podcasts: http://podcasts.simplisticreviews.net
Site: http://SimplisticReviews.net
Twitter: https://twitter.com/simpletweeters
Facebook: http://facebook.com/SimplisticReviews
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/simplygramming
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(Ep. 108): Uncle Sam - Movie Commentary: July 2018

(Ep. 108): Uncle Sam - Movie Commentary: July 2018

July 31, 2018
Uncle Sam
R

 1996 ‧ Slasher/Horror ‧ 1h 30m

uncle-sam-1996.jpg

A Gulf War veteran rises from the dead to wreak vengeance upon unpatriotic residents of his hometown.
Initial release: 1996
Director: William Lustig
Release date: 1996 (Greece)
Budget: 2 million USD
Screenplay: Larry Cohen

Because you asked for it, here it is... Uncle Sam! 

The classic blockbuster video rental slasher is a great way to celebrate America's birthday! Nothing like some patriotic killing to make us American hard. Okay children grab that flag and those sparklers, bite into your U.S. grade hamburgers and pop in Uncle Sam...This is Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary!
 
unclesam2.jpg

 

 

uncle-sam-1997-coffin2.png 

 
S1:E1 - Simplistic Reviews Show Live!

S1:E1 - Simplistic Reviews Show Live!

July 24, 2018

Welcome to our new live show - Simplistic Reviews Show Live!

Ep.1 is here!

Today we talk all things Comic Con

Look at some odd news in this crazy world we live in

and play the game, "Are They Dead Yet?"

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Podcasts: https://itunes.apple.com/…/simplistic-reviews-…/id586104022…
Site: http://SimplisticReviews.net
Twitter: https://twitter.com/simpletweeters
Facebook: http://facebook.com/SimplisticReviews
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/simplygramming
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(Ep. 107): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: July 2018

(Ep. 107): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: July 2018

July 17, 2018

It's July, so that means it's time for a summer blowout episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. We broach many subjects includrtl=0" width="100%">ng Star Wars' big problem, Robocop reboots, Chris Hardwick's troubles, and the Naked Gun. Yes...that assortment of subjects has never been collectively tackled before. Also Justin is put on the hot seat for the new segment Questions From The Crowd. DJ and Justin go crazy with their love for the television show 24. And the boys try and figure out films by their last line in the new game Simplistic Last Lines. All that and more on this new episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

 

NOTES

Jack & Nina

 

The End Of Every Episode Of Police Squad

 

 

MUSIC

Fast Times Club By Idols

 

Gold Medal By Sounds Like Sander

 

4. For Losing It By The Triads

(Ep. 106): Ring of the Musketeers - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): July 2018

(Ep. 106): Ring of the Musketeers - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): July 2018

July 3, 2018
Ring of the Musketeers
PG-13

 1992 ‧ Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 26m

 

As descendants of the original Three Musketeers, Peter Porthos (Thomas Gottschalk), John Smith D'Artagnan (David Hasselhoff) and Anne-Marie Athos (Alison Doody) are continuing the chivalrous tradition of protecting those who can't protect themselves, carrying it into the modern age. Rather than fighting lords and counts, these Musketeers have the Mafia to deal with, but they're aided by reformed burglar Burt Aramis (Cheech Marin), the newly knighted fourth Musketeer.

Initial release: December 1, 1992 (Germany)
Director: John Paragon
Production company: Motion Picture Corporation of America
Screenplay: John Paragon, Joel Surnow
Producers:Brad Krevoy, Steven Stabler
 
Plug that VHS player back in! It time for some David Hasselhoff! That's right, today we watch the Ring of the Musketeers. A made for TV film that... well... nobody remembers.  But when you have a modern day (90's) Musketeers film that has a cast that contains the Hoff, Cheech Marin, Alison Doody, John Rhys-Davies, Corbin Bernsen, Timothy Stack, Ricky Jay and Branscombe Richmond. You pretty much stop whatever you are doing and pop this VHS in.
 
So fix that tracking and enjoy that mono audio (yes this VHS wasn't in stereo) and repeat, Unus pro omnibus, omnes pro uno! Because we do this together ladies and gents! This is the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary of Ring of the Musketeers!
(Ep. 106): Ring of the Musketeers - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): July 2018

(Ep. 106): Ring of the Musketeers - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): July 2018

July 3, 2018
Ring of the Musketeers
PG-13

 1992 ‧ Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 26m

 

As descendants of the original Three Musketeers, Peter Porthos (Thomas Gottschalk), John Smith D'Artagnan (David Hasselhoff) and Anne-Marie Athos (Alison Doody) are continuing the chivalrous tradition of protecting those who can't protect themselves, carrying it into the modern age. Rather than fighting lords and counts, these Musketeers have the Mafia to deal with, but they're aided by reformed burglar Burt Aramis (Cheech Marin), the newly knighted fourth Musketeer.

Initial release: December 1, 1992 (Germany)
Director: John Paragon
Production company: Motion Picture Corporation of America
Screenplay: John Paragon, Joel Surnow
Producers:Brad Krevoy, Steven Stabler
 
Plug that VHS player back in! It time for some David Hasselhoff! That's right, today we watch the Ring of the Musketeers. A made for TV film that... well... nobody remembers.  But when you have a modern day (90's) Musketeers film that has a cast that contains the Hoff, Cheech Marin, Alison Doody, John Rhys-Davies, Corbin Bernsen, Timothy Stack, Ricky Jay and Branscombe Richmond. You pretty much stop whatever you are doing and pop this VHS in.
 
So fix that tracking and enjoy that mono audio (yes this VHS wasn't in stereo) and repeat, Unus pro omnibus, omnes pro uno! Because we do this together ladies and gents! This is the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary of Ring of the Musketeers!
(Ep. 105): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: June 2018

(Ep. 105): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: June 2018

June 11, 2018

video_object.png

 

School might be out for summer, but not the Simplistic Reviews Podcast. We are back with special guest Dan "The Comic Book Concierge" Clark from The GeekCast Radio Network and CinemaGeeks Podcast, a couple of call-in friends of ours stop by, and we discuss everything from IHOP changing to IHOB, Hailee Steinfeld having Shape Of Water sex with an Autobot, and of course, the real problem with Hitler...you're gonna have to listen to find out what the hell that means on a brand new episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

 

NOTES

IHOB

David Tyree

Get A Life

 

MUSIC

Neon Love By Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison, and Tim Reilly

Five Dollar Bill By Jason Pedder & Ben Ziapour

Midnight Ride By Richard Kimmings & Jason Pedder

Variety Time By Tim Garland

(Ep. 104): Justice League - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): June 2018

(Ep. 104): Justice League - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): June 2018

June 2, 2018

Justice League

PG-13  2017 ‧ Fantasy/Science fiction film ‧ 2 hours

justice-league-1200x520.jpg

Fuelled by his restored faith in humanity, and inspired by Superman's selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists newfound ally Diana Prince to face an even greater threat. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman work quickly to recruit a team to stand against this newly-awakened enemy. Despite the formation of an unprecedented league of heroes in Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash, it may be too late to save the planet from an assault of catastrophic proportions.

Initial release: November 15, 2017 (Sweden)

Director: Zack Snyder

Initial DVD release: March 13, 2018 (USA)

maxresdefault.jpg

jl-03432rcc.jpggn-gift_guide_variable_c.jpgBox office: 657.9 million USD

 

 

Well... like DJ mentioned, we kept going with these damn DCU movie commentaries. We didn't really want to watch JL but we had to get it over with.

But hey it is still better then Batman V Superman Dawn of Justice, that's something right? Don't worry we will get back to the crappy but fun films that include a good old T&A drinking game.

So sit back and enjoy a okay film that's somewhat coherent and looks a ton better then Dawn of Justice. Grab that beer and laugh at the terrible CG... and that laughable mustache removal...man that was horrible.

Oh and we added a new gimmick. Starting with Justice League, after every movie commentary we'll spin a wheel to find out what we watch next. Fun stuff!

Today we took a spin on our new wheel!!!

We spun The Wheel of Doom (TM) a collection of request films by viewers like you!

...and we get something odd. Hint: It involves the Musketeers and David Hasselhoff...yep the HOFF...nothing but fun...

 

Hey did you know: Justice League is the fourth-most-expensive film ever made. Amazing is it not?! wikipedia.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Ep. 104): Justice League - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): June 2018

(Ep. 104): Justice League - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): June 2018

June 2, 2018

Justice League

PG-13  2017 ‧ Fantasy/Science fiction film ‧ 2 hours

justice-league-1200x520.jpg

Fuelled by his restored faith in humanity, and inspired by Superman's selfless act, Bruce Wayne enlists newfound ally Diana Prince to face an even greater threat. Together, Batman and Wonder Woman work quickly to recruit a team to stand against this newly-awakened enemy. Despite the formation of an unprecedented league of heroes in Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Cyborg and the Flash, it may be too late to save the planet from an assault of catastrophic proportions.

Initial release: November 15, 2017 (Sweden)

Director: Zack Snyder

Initial DVD release: March 13, 2018 (USA)

maxresdefault.jpg

jl-03432rcc.jpggn-gift_guide_variable_c.jpgBox office: 657.9 million USD

 

 

Well... like DJ mentioned, we kept going with these damn DCU movie commentaries. We didn't really want to watch JL but we had to get it over with.

But hey it is still better then Batman V Superman Dawn of Justice, that's something right? Don't worry we will get back to the crappy but fun films that include a good old T&A drinking game.

So sit back and enjoy a okay film that's somewhat coherent and looks a ton better then Dawn of Justice. Grab that beer and laugh at the terrible CG... and that laughable mustache removal...man that was horrible.

Oh and we added a new gimmick. Starting with Justice League, after every movie commentary we'll spin a wheel to find out what we watch next. Fun stuff!

Today we took a spin on our new wheel!!!

We spun The Wheel of Doom (TM) a collection of request films by viewers like you!

...and we get something odd. Hint: It involves the Musketeers and David Hasselhoff...yep the HOFF...nothing but fun...

 

Hey did you know: Justice League is the fourth-most-expensive film ever made. Amazing is it not?! wikipedia.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Ep. 103): House 2 - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): May 2018

(Ep. 103): House 2 - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): May 2018

May 9, 2018
baeb6fa3-a7c1-9775..jpg

House II: The Second Story
PG-13

 1987 ‧ Adventure/Horror ‧ 1h 28m

 
A man (Arye Gross) and his friend (Jonathan Stark) exhume an ancestor (Royal Dano) in the house 
where his parents were killed.
 
Initial release: August 28, 1987
Director: Ethan Wiley
Budget: 3 million USD
Production company: New World Pictures
201410180000566.jpg1_s7i72jAiz7K-NoVi7nxCAg.jpg 
Well you can't say we don't love you. Today Matt and Justin watch a movie from the Lister requested submissions. Sometimes we find fun and enjoyable films, that ether we never watched or never heard of. But that isn't always the case. Ep. 103 we cross off another one, House 2: The Second Story. A film not watched by the two in a collective 30 plus years. What we found out is its not as good as we once remembered.

House 2 is under the horror genre which is a lie. Eventhough it is a sequel to the 1986 film House, House 2 does not involve the storyline and character from the first film, including the horror feel. House 2 is supernatural fantasy "comedy". 

Frankly its a mess of a film. If you haven't already watched the first House then skip this and check House.

house2_skull.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Ep. 103): House 2 - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): May 2018

(Ep. 103): House 2 - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): May 2018

May 9, 2018
baeb6fa3-a7c1-9775..jpg

House II: The Second Story
PG-13

 1987 ‧ Adventure/Horror ‧ 1h 28m

 
A man (Arye Gross) and his friend (Jonathan Stark) exhume an ancestor (Royal Dano) in the house 
where his parents were killed.
 
Initial release: August 28, 1987
Director: Ethan Wiley
Budget: 3 million USD
Production company: New World Pictures
201410180000566.jpg1_s7i72jAiz7K-NoVi7nxCAg.jpg 
Well you can't say we don't love you. Today Matt and Justin watch a movie from the Lister requested submissions. Sometimes we find fun and enjoyable films, that ether we never watched or never heard of. But that isn't always the case. Ep. 103 we cross off another one, House 2: The Second Story. A film not watched by the two in a collective 30 plus years. What we found out is its not as good as we once remembered.

House 2 is under the horror genre which is a lie. Eventhough it is a sequel to the 1986 film House, House 2 does not involve the storyline and character from the first film, including the horror feel. House 2 is supernatural fantasy "comedy". 

Frankly its a mess of a film. If you haven't already watched the first House then skip this and check House.

house2_skull.jpg

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Ep. 102): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: April 2018

(Ep. 102): The Simplistic Reviews Podcast: April 2018

April 6, 2018

This isn't a joke...the boys are back on the airwaves with another edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast...or are they? You be the judge of whether you think they're back or not. I might be telling you here that they are back, but are they truly "back." And if their back, where are they back from? The Future, School, Training, To Back, In Black, Rubs, In The Habit, For The First Time, again, it's up to you to decide...

This month, the shenanigans range to these nincompoops yelling about whether Spielberg or Scorsese did it better, and by IT they mean holding the camera and making millionaires do things on camera, to the merits of Justin actually discovering he's North African and how we can us that to our advantage.

There is also the return of Simplistic Switcharoo where the fellas tackle the big questions of whether Nicolas Cage could be replaced by John Malkovich in Face/Off and after a long a sordid history, Matt might finally come to terms with the concept of Anne Hathaway.

All this, and of course your monthly dose of dick and fart jokes, on The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, if you SMELL.....what THE CROCK.....is cookin'!!

 

NOTES

Anne 'Cat'haway

ASMR Porn

Nic Cage and Peaches

Macho Madness

Diplomatic Immunity

 

MUSIC

Neon Love by Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison and Tim Reilly

Hit the Jackpot by David James

80s Killed The Radio Star by Bobby Cole

 

Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

(Ep. 101): Undefeatable - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): Match 2018

(Ep. 101): Undefeatable - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): Match 2018

March 24, 2018
Undefeatable
R

 1994 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 35m 4.1/10 · IMDb

81kqNRroc7L._SL1500_.jpg

The boys of Simplistic Reviews are back! Let's be honest you never believed Ep. 100 was our last... did you? No we can't stop with all these crappy movies out there. Plus the current world we live in needs some terrible grotesque jokes. 

So sit back, turn off the lights and enjoy some undefeatable puns...no...they suck...its pretty sad.

UNDEFEATABLE-3.jpg

Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock) who, along with her gang, take part in Mafia-run street fights to earn money for her sister's college education. Kristi's sister hopes to become a doctor and pay for Kristi's education.

Meanwhile, an underground fighter by the name of "Stingray" (Don Niam) is left by his scared wife, Anna, after raping her, and vows to find her. Stingray has suffered from abandonment issues since early childhood and this new trauma triggers a psychotic break from reality. He begins to kidnap women who resemble his ex-wife, and subsequently tortures them and gouges their eyes out before returning their bodies to the crime scene. Kristi's sister becomes one of the victims, so Kristi tracks down Stingray with the help of police officer Nick DiMarco (John Miller), who might just be falling for her, alongside her sister's psychiatry tutor Jennifer (Donna Jason) and Nick's partner Mike (Gerald Klein).

download.jpg

They eventually track down Stingray, who has kidnapped Jennifer, and fight in a warehouse where he escapes after shooting and killing Mike. Jennifer's injuries, though relatively minor, require that she be admitted to the hospital where she is again kidnapped by Stingray who is impersonating a doctor. Kristi and Nick chase him to a storage area where the three do battle, mostly through hand-to-hand combat. Stingray is bested by the pair, having both eyes gouged out in the process. He's then suspended by the eye-sockets with a meat hook, killing him.

UNDEFEATABLE-9.jpg

The final scene shows with Kristi and her friends visiting her late sister's resting place to inform her that Stingray has finally been defeated. It is revealed that Kristi has somehow enrolled her former gang in college to give them a chance at a better life, and that Kristi has also been enrolled in college by Nick. The film ends with the group engaging in an impassioned four way high-five.

(Ep. 101): Undefeatable - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): Match 2018

(Ep. 101): Undefeatable - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): Match 2018

March 24, 2018
Undefeatable
R

 1994 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 35m 4.1/10 · IMDb

81kqNRroc7L._SL1500_.jpg

The boys of Simplistic Reviews are back! Let's be honest you never believed Ep. 100 was our last... did you? No we can't stop with all these crappy movies out there. Plus the current world we live in needs some terrible grotesque jokes. 

So sit back, turn off the lights and enjoy some undefeatable puns...no...they suck...its pretty sad.

UNDEFEATABLE-3.jpg

Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock) who, along with her gang, take part in Mafia-run street fights to earn money for her sister's college education. Kristi's sister hopes to become a doctor and pay for Kristi's education.

Meanwhile, an underground fighter by the name of "Stingray" (Don Niam) is left by his scared wife, Anna, after raping her, and vows to find her. Stingray has suffered from abandonment issues since early childhood and this new trauma triggers a psychotic break from reality. He begins to kidnap women who resemble his ex-wife, and subsequently tortures them and gouges their eyes out before returning their bodies to the crime scene. Kristi's sister becomes one of the victims, so Kristi tracks down Stingray with the help of police officer Nick DiMarco (John Miller), who might just be falling for her, alongside her sister's psychiatry tutor Jennifer (Donna Jason) and Nick's partner Mike (Gerald Klein).

download.jpg

They eventually track down Stingray, who has kidnapped Jennifer, and fight in a warehouse where he escapes after shooting and killing Mike. Jennifer's injuries, though relatively minor, require that she be admitted to the hospital where she is again kidnapped by Stingray who is impersonating a doctor. Kristi and Nick chase him to a storage area where the three do battle, mostly through hand-to-hand combat. Stingray is bested by the pair, having both eyes gouged out in the process. He's then suspended by the eye-sockets with a meat hook, killing him.

UNDEFEATABLE-9.jpg

The final scene shows with Kristi and her friends visiting her late sister's resting place to inform her that Stingray has finally been defeated. It is revealed that Kristi has somehow enrolled her former gang in college to give them a chance at a better life, and that Kristi has also been enrolled in college by Nick. The film ends with the group engaging in an impassioned four way high-five.

(Ep. 100): The One Hundredth Simplistic Reviews Podcast: February 2018

(Ep. 100): The One Hundredth Simplistic Reviews Podcast: February 2018

February 17, 2018
100.png
 
It’s here!
 
  No, not your tax return…
No, not another government shutdown…
No, not an actual picture of Venom…

It’s the 100th episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast!  We got a guest list so prestigious and respected, it should run for president…please…someone…anyone…run for president.  So if you’re going on a short drive on a long road or a long walk off a short pier, stick this in your ear holes and enjoy the bad comedy styling of Matthew Stewart, DJ Valentine, and Justin Polizzi for the 100th time…and then…for the love of God…run for president.

 
MUSIC
Triumph March By Verdi
Neon Love By Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison & Tim Reilly
Dark City Beats By John 00 Fleming
Utopia In Peril By Chillout
Plain Jane By Sid Phillips

(Ep. 99): Killer Workout - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): February 2018

(Ep. 99): Killer Workout - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): February 2018

February 6, 2018

Killer Workout 1987 ‧ 1h 25m

Killer Workout, also known under the original title Aerobicide, is a 1986 American slasher film written and directed by David A. Prior. It stars Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews, Ted Prior, and Teresa Van der Woude. Wikipedia

Director: David A. Prior

Screenplay: David A. Prior

Music composed by: Todd Hayen

Producers: David WintersMarc WintersPeter Yuval

 

Its here! You or someone requested it (Request a Movie)

 

Killer Workout

 

Did you plan to lose weight this year?

Well do we have an amazing offer you wouldn’t believe!

For one low prices of watch or listening to this Movie Commentary, you will lose weight in no time. Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary comes doctor recommended by the top in the business. Loss weight just by sitting! No more getting up and moving those arms. No more watching what you eat. With Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary anyone can lose weight fast just by sitting on your ass.

Just listen to this interview we did with two of our happy customers.

Anonymous 1 says - “It’s the best. I can sit all day eating KFC and McD with not worrying about my weight. Everyone says Donald you’re amazing. You look amazing and you’re the best in the world at everything. Do you work out? No I don’t because look at me. I’m amazing. People say and look I know people. People say I’m the best looking they have ever seen. And listen there has been like a few million, maybe a few billion, no one really knows for sure. Scientist have been looking for at least some time now and they don’t know. The Earth is only a couple hundred years old and when people say I’m the best looking that really means something. It true Hilary has to work out. I don’t because look at me. It’s a fact. People tell me these things. This is anonymous right? Okay then my friend here does it too. But I’m the best that’s what my daddy says!”

Us - Wow amazing isn’t it? How does your friend like it?

Anonymous 2 says - “Это лучшее, что говорит г-н Т. Россия никогда не разговаривала с президентом. Я хочу сделать этот факт, как вы говорите. Мы никогда не были в одной комнате вместе, как мы могли бы проводить выборы. Россия ничего не знает о оснащении. Мы считаем, что американская политика ошибается и составляет это. Россия любит, мы любим только. Мы знаем, что Америка нашла много фотографий и доказательств, связывающих Россию с президентом, но все эти фальшивые новости, которые вы знаете? Так что мы едим в том же KFC. Это преступление в вашей стране? Все поддельные новости. Ладно, мне нужно идти. Ты готов Дональд?

Anonymous 1 - “Yes Daddy” 

Us – Wait…What…Okay well thanks for telling us how this amazing product known as the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary works for you. Now since we know you will fall in love here is a sample.

(Ep. 99): Killer Workout - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): February 2018

(Ep. 99): Killer Workout - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): February 2018

February 6, 2018

Killer Workout 1987 ‧ 1h 25m

Killer Workout, also known under the original title Aerobicide, is a 1986 American slasher film written and directed by David A. Prior. It stars Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews, Ted Prior, and Teresa Van der Woude. Wikipedia

Director: David A. Prior

Screenplay: David A. Prior

Music composed by: Todd Hayen

Producers: David WintersMarc WintersPeter Yuval

 

Its here! You or someone requested it (Request a Movie)

 

Killer Workout

 

Did you plan to lose weight this year?

Well do we have an amazing offer you wouldn’t believe!

For one low prices of watch or listening to this Movie Commentary, you will lose weight in no time. Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary comes doctor recommended by the top in the business. Loss weight just by sitting! No more getting up and moving those arms. No more watching what you eat. With Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary anyone can lose weight fast just by sitting on your ass.

Just listen to this interview we did with two of our happy customers.

Anonymous 1 says - “It’s the best. I can sit all day eating KFC and McD with not worrying about my weight. Everyone says Donald you’re amazing. You look amazing and you’re the best in the world at everything. Do you work out? No I don’t because look at me. I’m amazing. People say and look I know people. People say I’m the best looking they have ever seen. And listen there has been like a few million, maybe a few billion, no one really knows for sure. Scientist have been looking for at least some time now and they don’t know. The Earth is only a couple hundred years old and when people say I’m the best looking that really means something. It true Hilary has to work out. I don’t because look at me. It’s a fact. People tell me these things. This is anonymous right? Okay then my friend here does it too. But I’m the best that’s what my daddy says!”

Us - Wow amazing isn’t it? How does your friend like it?

Anonymous 2 says - “Это лучшее, что говорит г-н Т. Россия никогда не разговаривала с президентом. Я хочу сделать этот факт, как вы говорите. Мы никогда не были в одной комнате вместе, как мы могли бы проводить выборы. Россия ничего не знает о оснащении. Мы считаем, что американская политика ошибается и составляет это. Россия любит, мы любим только. Мы знаем, что Америка нашла много фотографий и доказательств, связывающих Россию с президентом, но все эти фальшивые новости, которые вы знаете? Так что мы едим в том же KFC. Это преступление в вашей стране? Все поддельные новости. Ладно, мне нужно идти. Ты готов Дональд?

Anonymous 1 - “Yes Daddy” 

Us – Wait…What…Okay well thanks for telling us how this amazing product known as the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary works for you. Now since we know you will fall in love here is a sample.

(Ep. 98): SR Podcast - January 2018

(Ep. 98): SR Podcast - January 2018

January 15, 2018

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

The boys at Simplistic Reviews are back for a brand new year of hijinks, hilarity, intrigue, and murder...well maybe not that last one.  On the January edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the gang not only tries to unravel the mystery of January Jones' secret baby daddy, they also discuss Star Wars, Star Trek, The Crown, The Wire, and the 1991 Macaulay Culkin animated series Wish Kid...yeah...we're still a pretty weird show.  The boys also reveal some secrets they're not too proud of in the segment Simply Ashamed.  All that, an office search, a porno movie experience and more on a brand new edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast

 

NOTES

X-Factor

Wish Kid

January Jones Kid Mystery

The Wire's Best Scene

Billy Joel Accident

 

MUSIC

Sexy By Ben Sound

Ying And Yang By John 00 Fleming

The Croft By Joakim Karud

 

Check us out on FacebookTwitterYouTubeLetterboxd, and Pinterest

(Ep. 97): Fit To Kill - Movie Commentary (Movie Audio): January 2018

(Ep. 97): Fit To Kill - Movie Commentary (Movie Audio): January 2018

January 13, 2018
Fit to Kill
R

 1993 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 34m

vlcsnap-2018-01-12-20h36m18s948.pngvlcsnap-2018-01-12-20h34m06s979.png 
L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents Donna and Nicole, accompany and protect a wealthy Asian businessman and his rare diamond against a sinister international jewel thief.

Release: 1993
Director: Andy Sidaris
Screenplay: Andy Sidaris

There isn't anything to say about this film except it is amazing!

Please...Stop whatever your doing and watch this film now!

Honestly this is one of the best we have ever watched on the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary. It's been awhile and we are glad to come back to the films by Andy Sidaris. What more could you ask for...

Girls!

Guns!

and 

G-Strings!

I mean clearly it has everything. And to top it off the movie has one hell of a Bond undertone. Just wait till that we get there. We once again tip our hat to you Mr. Sidaris... Thank you! 

 
P.S. Be on the lookout for a young Kenny Powers

 

 
 
(Ep. 97): Fit To Kill - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): January 2018

(Ep. 97): Fit To Kill - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): January 2018

January 13, 2018
Fit to Kill
R

 1993 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 34m

vlcsnap-2018-01-12-20h36m18s948.pngvlcsnap-2018-01-12-20h34m06s979.png 
L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents Donna and Nicole, accompany and protect a wealthy Asian businessman and his rare diamond against a sinister international jewel thief.

Release: 1993
Director: Andy Sidaris
Screenplay: Andy Sidaris

There isn't anything to say about this film except it is amazing!

Please...Stop whatever your doing and watch this film now!

Honestly this is one of the best we have ever watched on the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary. It's been awhile and we are glad to come back to the films by Andy Sidaris. What more could you ask for...

Girls!

Guns!

and 

G-Strings!

I mean clearly it has everything. And to top it off the movie has one hell of a Bond undertone. Just wait till that we get there. We once again tip our hat to you Mr. Sidaris... Thank you! 

 
P.S. Be on the lookout for a young Kenny Powers

 

 
 
(Ep. 96): Jack Frost 2 - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): December 2017

(Ep. 96): Jack Frost 2 - Movie Commentary (without Movie Audio): December 2017

December 23, 2017
Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman
R

 2000 ‧ Slasher/Fantasy ‧ 1h 31m

_____________________________________________________________________________
 

Sam (Christopher Allport) is traumatized by his experience the previous Christmas, battling Jack Frost (Matt Falletta), a murderous snowman possessed by a serial killer. His wife, Anne (Eileen Seeley), thinks a trip to the tropics will get his mind off the snow, so they pack their bags and head to a resort on an island in the Pacific. Meanwhile, the FBI accidentally resurrects Jack's remains during an experiment. Jack heads to the island, covers it in snow and embarks on another rampage.

jackfrostii7.jpg

jack-frost-2-review.jpgInitial release: November 21, 2000

Director: Michael Cooney
Music composed by: Chris Anderson
Screenplay: Michael Cooney
 
Well to finish off our Holiday Movie Commentaries we decided to dive into Jack Frost 2. There is much to say but watch the first Jack Frost and stop. Jack Frost 2 is not a good bad movie but a bad movie. They forgot the good this time around. So stay warm by that fire place and remember not to eat the yellow snow!
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Christmas
Happy Festivus
Happy New Year
and from us all at Simplistic Reviews thank you for listening and reading! We have big things planned this year we think you will enjoy!
See you next year...
 
 
 
(Ep. 96): Jack Frost 2 - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): December 2017

(Ep. 96): Jack Frost 2 - Movie Commentary (with Movie Audio): December 2017

December 23, 2017
Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman
R

 2000 ‧ Slasher/Fantasy ‧ 1h 31m

_____________________________________________________________________________
 

Sam (Christopher Allport) is traumatized by his experience the previous Christmas, battling Jack Frost (Matt Falletta), a murderous snowman possessed by a serial killer. His wife, Anne (Eileen Seeley), thinks a trip to the tropics will get his mind off the snow, so they pack their bags and head to a resort on an island in the Pacific. Meanwhile, the FBI accidentally resurrects Jack's remains during an experiment. Jack heads to the island, covers it in snow and embarks on another rampage.

jackfrostii7.jpg

jack-frost-2-review.jpgInitial release: November 21, 2000

Director: Michael Cooney
Music composed by: Chris Anderson
Screenplay: Michael Cooney
 
Well to finish off our Holiday Movie Commentaries we decided to dive into Jack Frost 2. There is much to say but watch the first Jack Frost and stop. Jack Frost 2 is not a good bad movie but a bad movie. They forgot the good this time around. So stay warm by that fire place and remember not to eat the yellow snow!
Happy Hanukkah
Merry Christmas
Happy Festivus
Happy New Year
and from us all at Simplistic Reviews thank you for listening and reading! We have big things planned this year we think you will enjoy!
See you next year...
 
 
 
(Ep. 95): Elves - Movie Commentary: December 2017 (without Movie Audio)

(Ep. 95): Elves - Movie Commentary: December 2017 (without Movie Audio)

December 17, 2017

Elves

1989 ‧ Drama/Horror ‧ 1h 29m

____________________________________________________________________________

elves-claus-noel-jeffrey-mandel-1989-pos

A department-store Santa Claus (Dan Haggerty) discovers a Neo-Nazi plot to mate a nice girl (Julie Austin) with an elf in Colorado.

Release date:  October 24, 1989

Director: Jeffrey Mandel

Screenplay: Jeffrey Mandel

Music composed by: Vladimir Horunzhy

 

Elves07.jpgThat time of the year is back when the gang sits around and watches nothing but terrible holiday themed movies.

elves-1989-kirsten-and-friends.jpgToday is not only our first appearance of Dan Haggerty here at Simplistic Reviews but also a ending for a movie that flabbergasted DJ. I suppose this would already be enough for a Movie Commentary but nope...that's not all. We also have a homeless department store Santa investigating a modern-day Neo-Nazi plot to finally bring about the master race that Hitler had always dreamed of.

Instead of a race of pure-blood Aryans, it is revealed that Hitler dreamed of a race of half-human/half-elf hybrids.

Yep... what a movie everyone. So grab that egg nog and sit back, things are about to get weird.

Merry Christmas!

P.S. Enjoy the Elves because next week is a cold one set on a tropical island. Try not to question it.

 

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(Ep. 95): Elves - Movie Commentary: December 2017 (with Movie Audio)

(Ep. 95): Elves - Movie Commentary: December 2017 (with Movie Audio)

December 17, 2017

Elves

1989 ‧ Drama/Horror ‧ 1h 29m

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A department-store Santa Claus (Dan Haggerty) discovers a Neo-Nazi plot to mate a nice girl (Julie Austin) with an elf in Colorado.

Release date:  October 24, 1989

Director: Jeffrey Mandel

Screenplay: Jeffrey Mandel

Music composed by: Vladimir Horunzhy

 

Elves07.jpgThat time of the year is back when the gang sits around and watches nothing but terrible holiday themed movies.

elves-1989-kirsten-and-friends.jpgToday is not only our first appearance of Dan Haggerty here at Simplistic Reviews but also a ending for a movie that flabbergasted DJ. I suppose this would already be enough for a Movie Commentary but nope...that's not all. We also have a homeless department store Santa investigating a modern-day Neo-Nazi plot to finally bring about the master race that Hitler had always dreamed of.

Instead of a race of pure-blood Aryans, it is revealed that Hitler dreamed of a race of half-human/half-elf hybrids.

Yep... what a movie everyone. So grab that egg nog and sit back, things are about to get weird.

Merry Christmas!

P.S. Enjoy the Elves because next week is a cold one set on a tropical island. Try not to question it.

 

Elves-1989-Movie-3.jpg

     

(Ep. 94) SR Podcast - December 2017

(Ep. 94) SR Podcast - December 2017

December 4, 2017

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

On this early holiday addition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss all the Hollywood news they missed while on Thanksgiving break during an edition of Can You Dig It. They also review everything from The Punisher to Vice Principals during TV Roundup. They even get to try out some new impressions during the game Simply Quotable…and all this is bookended by Justin’s attempt to cancel a gift basket he bought from Costco…yes really. All that, a new trailer spoof, and some underhanded shots at Matt Lauer on this Season’s Greetings episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.

NOTES
Vince McMahon Buys WCW

 
(Ep. 93): Killer Klowns from Outer Space - Movie Commentary: October 2017

(Ep. 93): Killer Klowns from Outer Space - Movie Commentary: October 2017

October 30, 2017

Killer Klowns from Outer Space

PG-13 ‧ 1988 ‧ Science fiction film/Cult film ‧ 1h 28m

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When teenagers Mike (Grant Cramer) and Debbie (Suzanne Snyder) see a comet crash outside their sleepy small town, they investigate and discover a pack of murderous aliens who look very much like circus clowns. They try to warn the local authorities, but everyone assumes their story is a prank. Meanwhile, the clowns set about harvesting and eating as many people as they can. It's not until they kidnap Debbie that Mike decides it's up to him to stop the clowns' bloody rampage.
Release date: May 20, 1988 (USA)

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 What could be better then watching some Killer Klowns this Halloween!? Well with the Simplistic Reviews crew! Join us as we watch a movie that was made to be wacky and goof, yet its still better then half the shit that comes out today! So grab that frankenberry! Pour some of that Halloween themed choice of beer because... this Movie Commentary is gonna scare your socks off!

 

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