Simplistic Reviews Podcasts
Simplistic Reviews is everything your parents told you to not turn into. We talk and review movies, TV and games from the past and the present. Light that fire and bring the family in to enjoy, don’t worry if you don’t have a fire because we’ll always bring the warmth. Visit us at www.Simplistic.Reviews
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Episodes
Wednesday May 09, 2018
Wednesday May 09, 2018
House II: The Second Story
PG-13
1987 ‧ Adventure/Horror ‧ 1h 28m
A man (Arye Gross) and his friend (Jonathan Stark) exhume an ancestor (Royal Dano) in the house
where his parents were killed.
Initial release: August 28, 1987
Director: Ethan Wiley
Budget: 3 million USD
Producer: Sean S. Cunningham
Production company: New World Pictures
Well you can't say we don't love you. Today Matt and Justin watch a movie from the Lister requested submissions. Sometimes we find fun and enjoyable films, that ether we never watched or never heard of. But that isn't always the case. Ep. 103 we cross off another one, House 2: The Second Story. A film not watched by the two in a collective 30 plus years. What we found out is its not as good as we once remembered. House 2 is under the horror genre which is a lie. Eventhough it is a sequel to the 1986 film House, House 2 does not involve the storyline and character from the first film, including the horror feel. House 2 is supernatural fantasy "comedy".
Frankly its a mess of a film. If you haven't already watched the first House then skip this and check House.
Wednesday May 09, 2018
Wednesday May 09, 2018
House II: The Second Story
PG-13
1987 ‧ Adventure/Horror ‧ 1h 28m
A man (Arye Gross) and his friend (Jonathan Stark) exhume an ancestor (Royal Dano) in the house
where his parents were killed.
Initial release: August 28, 1987
Director: Ethan Wiley
Budget: 3 million USD
Producer: Sean S. Cunningham
Production company: New World Pictures
Well you can't say we don't love you. Today Matt and Justin watch a movie from the Lister requested submissions. Sometimes we find fun and enjoyable films, that ether we never watched or never heard of. But that isn't always the case. Ep. 103 we cross off another one, House 2: The Second Story. A film not watched by the two in a collective 30 plus years. What we found out is its not as good as we once remembered. House 2 is under the horror genre which is a lie. Eventhough it is a sequel to the 1986 film House, House 2 does not involve the storyline and character from the first film, including the horror feel. House 2 is supernatural fantasy "comedy".
Frankly its a mess of a film. If you haven't already watched the first House then skip this and check House.
Friday Apr 06, 2018
Friday Apr 06, 2018
This isn't a joke...the boys are back on the airwaves with another edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast...or are they? You be the judge of whether you think they're back or not. I might be telling you here that they are back, but are they truly "back." And if their back, where are they back from? The Future, School, Training, To Back, In Black, Rubs, In The Habit, For The First Time, again, it's up to you to decide...
This month, the shenanigans range to these nincompoops yelling about whether Spielberg or Scorsese did it better, and by IT they mean holding the camera and making millionaires do things on camera, to the merits of Justin actually discovering he's North African and how we can us that to our advantage.
There is also the return of Simplistic Switcharoo where the fellas tackle the big questions of whether Nicolas Cage could be replaced by John Malkovich in Face/Off and after a long a sordid history, Matt might finally come to terms with the concept of Anne Hathaway.
All this, and of course your monthly dose of dick and fart jokes, on The Simplistic Reviews Podcast, if you SMELL.....what THE CROCK.....is cookin'!!
NOTES
Anne 'Cat'haway
ASMR Porn
Nic Cage and Peaches
Macho Madness
Diplomatic Immunity
MUSIC
Neon Love by Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison and Tim Reilly
Hit the Jackpot by David James
80s Killed The Radio Star by Bobby Cole
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Friday Mar 23, 2018
Friday Mar 23, 2018
Undefeatable
R
1994 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 35m 4.1/10 · IMDb
The boys of Simplistic Reviews are back! Let's be honest you never believed Ep. 100 was our last... did you? No we can't stop with all these crappy movies out there. Plus the current world we live in needs some terrible grotesque jokes. So sit back, turn off the lights and enjoy some undefeatable puns...no...they suck...its pretty sad.Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock) who, along with her gang, take part in Mafia-run street fights to earn money for her sister's college education. Kristi's sister hopes to become a doctor and pay for Kristi's education.Meanwhile, an underground fighter by the name of "Stingray" (Don Niam) is left by his scared wife, Anna, after raping her, and vows to find her. Stingray has suffered from abandonment issues since early childhood and this new trauma triggers a psychotic break from reality. He begins to kidnap women who resemble his ex-wife, and subsequently tortures them and gouges their eyes out before returning their bodies to the crime scene. Kristi's sister becomes one of the victims, so Kristi tracks down Stingray with the help of police officer Nick DiMarco (John Miller), who might just be falling for her, alongside her sister's psychiatry tutor Jennifer (Donna Jason) and Nick's partner Mike (Gerald Klein).They eventually track down Stingray, who has kidnapped Jennifer, and fight in a warehouse where he escapes after shooting and killing Mike. Jennifer's injuries, though relatively minor, require that she be admitted to the hospital where she is again kidnapped by Stingray who is impersonating a doctor. Kristi and Nick chase him to a storage area where the three do battle, mostly through hand-to-hand combat. Stingray is bested by the pair, having both eyes gouged out in the process. He's then suspended by the eye-sockets with a meat hook, killing him.The final scene shows with Kristi and her friends visiting her late sister's resting place to inform her that Stingray has finally been defeated. It is revealed that Kristi has somehow enrolled her former gang in college to give them a chance at a better life, and that Kristi has also been enrolled in college by Nick. The film ends with the group engaging in an impassioned four way high-five.
Friday Mar 23, 2018
Friday Mar 23, 2018
Undefeatable
R
1994 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 35m 4.1/10 · IMDb
The boys of Simplistic Reviews are back! Let's be honest you never believed Ep. 100 was our last... did you? No we can't stop with all these crappy movies out there. Plus the current world we live in needs some terrible grotesque jokes. So sit back, turn off the lights and enjoy some undefeatable puns...no...they suck...its pretty sad.Kristi Jones (Cynthia Rothrock) who, along with her gang, take part in Mafia-run street fights to earn money for her sister's college education. Kristi's sister hopes to become a doctor and pay for Kristi's education.Meanwhile, an underground fighter by the name of "Stingray" (Don Niam) is left by his scared wife, Anna, after raping her, and vows to find her. Stingray has suffered from abandonment issues since early childhood and this new trauma triggers a psychotic break from reality. He begins to kidnap women who resemble his ex-wife, and subsequently tortures them and gouges their eyes out before returning their bodies to the crime scene. Kristi's sister becomes one of the victims, so Kristi tracks down Stingray with the help of police officer Nick DiMarco (John Miller), who might just be falling for her, alongside her sister's psychiatry tutor Jennifer (Donna Jason) and Nick's partner Mike (Gerald Klein).They eventually track down Stingray, who has kidnapped Jennifer, and fight in a warehouse where he escapes after shooting and killing Mike. Jennifer's injuries, though relatively minor, require that she be admitted to the hospital where she is again kidnapped by Stingray who is impersonating a doctor. Kristi and Nick chase him to a storage area where the three do battle, mostly through hand-to-hand combat. Stingray is bested by the pair, having both eyes gouged out in the process. He's then suspended by the eye-sockets with a meat hook, killing him.The final scene shows with Kristi and her friends visiting her late sister's resting place to inform her that Stingray has finally been defeated. It is revealed that Kristi has somehow enrolled her former gang in college to give them a chance at a better life, and that Kristi has also been enrolled in college by Nick. The film ends with the group engaging in an impassioned four way high-five.
Saturday Feb 17, 2018
Saturday Feb 17, 2018
It’s here!
No, not your tax return… No, not another government shutdown… No, not an actual picture of Venom… It’s the 100th episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast! We got a guest list so prestigious and respected, it should run for president…please…someone…anyone…run for president. So if you’re going on a short drive on a long road or a long walk off a short pier, stick this in your ear holes and enjoy the bad comedy styling of Matthew Stewart, DJ Valentine, and Justin Polizzi for the 100th time…and then…for the love of God…run for president.
MUSIC
Triumph March By Verdi
Neon Love By Jeff Dale, Gavin Harrison & Tim Reilly
Dark City Beats By John 00 Fleming
Utopia In Peril By Chillout
Plain Jane By Sid Phillips
Tuesday Feb 06, 2018
Tuesday Feb 06, 2018
Killer Workout 1987 ‧ 1h 25m
Killer Workout, also known under the original title Aerobicide, is a 1986 American slasher film written and directed by David A. Prior. It stars Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews, Ted Prior, and Teresa Van der Woude. Wikipedia
Director: David A. Prior
Screenplay: David A. Prior
Music composed by: Todd Hayen
Producers: David Winters, Marc Winters, Peter Yuval
Its here! You or someone requested it (Request a Movie)
Killer Workout
Did you plan to lose weight this year?
Well do we have an amazing offer you wouldn’t believe!
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Anonymous 1 says - “It’s the best. I can sit all day eating KFC and McD with not worrying about my weight. Everyone says Donald you’re amazing. You look amazing and you’re the best in the world at everything. Do you work out? No I don’t because look at me. I’m amazing. People say and look I know people. People say I’m the best looking they have ever seen. And listen there has been like a few million, maybe a few billion, no one really knows for sure. Scientist have been looking for at least some time now and they don’t know. The Earth is only a couple hundred years old and when people say I’m the best looking that really means something. It true Hilary has to work out. I don’t because look at me. It’s a fact. People tell me these things. This is anonymous right? Okay then my friend here does it too. But I’m the best that’s what my daddy says!”
Us - Wow amazing isn’t it? How does your friend like it?
Anonymous 2 says - “Это лучшее, что говорит г-н Т. Россия никогда не разговаривала с президентом. Я хочу сделать этот факт, как вы говорите. Мы никогда не были в одной комнате вместе, как мы могли бы проводить выборы. Россия ничего не знает о оснащении. Мы считаем, что американская политика ошибается и составляет это. Россия любит, мы любим только. Мы знаем, что Америка нашла много фотографий и доказательств, связывающих Россию с президентом, но все эти фальшивые новости, которые вы знаете? Так что мы едим в том же KFC. Это преступление в вашей стране? Все поддельные новости. Ладно, мне нужно идти. Ты готов Дональд?
Anonymous 1 - “Yes Daddy”
Us – Wait…What…Okay well thanks for telling us how this amazing product known as the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary works for you. Now since we know you will fall in love here is a sample.
Tuesday Feb 06, 2018
Tuesday Feb 06, 2018
Killer Workout 1987 ‧ 1h 25m
Killer Workout, also known under the original title Aerobicide, is a 1986 American slasher film written and directed by David A. Prior. It stars Marcia Karr, David James Campbell, Fritz Matthews, Ted Prior, and Teresa Van der Woude. Wikipedia
Director: David A. Prior
Screenplay: David A. Prior
Music composed by: Todd Hayen
Producers: David Winters, Marc Winters, Peter Yuval
Its here! You or someone requested it (Request a Movie)
Killer Workout
Did you plan to lose weight this year?
Well do we have an amazing offer you wouldn’t believe!
For one low prices of watch or listening to this Movie Commentary, you will lose weight in no time. Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary comes doctor recommended by the top in the business. Loss weight just by sitting! No more getting up and moving those arms. No more watching what you eat. With Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary anyone can lose weight fast just by sitting on your ass.
Just listen to this interview we did with two of our happy customers.
Anonymous 1 says - “It’s the best. I can sit all day eating KFC and McD with not worrying about my weight. Everyone says Donald you’re amazing. You look amazing and you’re the best in the world at everything. Do you work out? No I don’t because look at me. I’m amazing. People say and look I know people. People say I’m the best looking they have ever seen. And listen there has been like a few million, maybe a few billion, no one really knows for sure. Scientist have been looking for at least some time now and they don’t know. The Earth is only a couple hundred years old and when people say I’m the best looking that really means something. It true Hilary has to work out. I don’t because look at me. It’s a fact. People tell me these things. This is anonymous right? Okay then my friend here does it too. But I’m the best that’s what my daddy says!”
Us - Wow amazing isn’t it? How does your friend like it?
Anonymous 2 says - “Это лучшее, что говорит г-н Т. Россия никогда не разговаривала с президентом. Я хочу сделать этот факт, как вы говорите. Мы никогда не были в одной комнате вместе, как мы могли бы проводить выборы. Россия ничего не знает о оснащении. Мы считаем, что американская политика ошибается и составляет это. Россия любит, мы любим только. Мы знаем, что Америка нашла много фотографий и доказательств, связывающих Россию с президентом, но все эти фальшивые новости, которые вы знаете? Так что мы едим в том же KFC. Это преступление в вашей стране? Все поддельные новости. Ладно, мне нужно идти. Ты готов Дональд?
Anonymous 1 - “Yes Daddy”
Us – Wait…What…Okay well thanks for telling us how this amazing product known as the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary works for you. Now since we know you will fall in love here is a sample.
Sunday Jan 14, 2018
Sunday Jan 14, 2018
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
The boys at Simplistic Reviews are back for a brand new year of hijinks, hilarity, intrigue, and murder...well maybe not that last one. On the January edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the gang not only tries to unravel the mystery of January Jones' secret baby daddy, they also discuss Star Wars, Star Trek, The Crown, The Wire, and the 1991 Macaulay Culkin animated series Wish Kid...yeah...we're still a pretty weird show. The boys also reveal some secrets they're not too proud of in the segment Simply Ashamed. All that, an office search, a porno movie experience and more on a brand new edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast
NOTES
X-Factor
Wish Kid
January Jones Kid Mystery
The Wire's Best Scene
Billy Joel Accident
MUSIC
Sexy By Ben Sound
Ying And Yang By John 00 Fleming
The Croft By Joakim Karud
Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Letterboxd, and Pinterest
Friday Jan 12, 2018
Friday Jan 12, 2018
Fit to Kill
R
1993 ‧ Thriller/Action ‧ 1h 34m
L.E.T.H.A.L. Agents Donna and Nicole, accompany and protect a wealthy Asian businessman and his rare diamond against a sinister international jewel thief.Release: 1993 Director: Andy SidarisScreenplay: Andy SidarisThere isn't anything to say about this film except it is amazing! Please...Stop whatever your doing and watch this film now!Honestly this is one of the best we have ever watched on the Simplistic Reviews Movie Commentary. It's been awhile and we are glad to come back to the films by Andy Sidaris. What more could you ask for...
Girls!
Guns!
and
G-Strings!
I mean clearly it has everything. And to top it off the movie has one hell of a Bond undertone. Just wait till that we get there. We once again tip our hat to you Mr. Sidaris... Thank you!
P.S. Be on the lookout for a young Kenny Powers