Simplistic Reviews Podcasts

(Ep. 95): Elves - Movie Commentary: December 2017 (with Movie Audio)

Elves
1989 ‧ Drama/Horror ‧ 1h 29m
____________________________________________________________________________
A department-store Santa Claus (Dan Haggerty) discovers a Neo-Nazi plot to mate a nice girl (Julie Austin) with an elf in Colorado.
Release date:  October 24, 1989
Director: Jeffrey Mandel
Screenplay: Jeffrey Mandel
Music composed by: Vladimir Horunzhy
Production company: Action International Pictures
 
That time of the year is back when the gang sits around and watches nothing but terrible holiday themed movies.
Today is not only our first appearance of Dan Haggerty here at Simplistic Reviews but also a ending for a movie that flabbergasted DJ. I suppose this would already be enough for a Movie Commentary but nope...that's not all. We also have a homeless department store Santa investigating a modern-day Neo-Nazi plot to finally bring about the master race that Hitler had always dreamed of.
Instead of a race of pure-blood Aryans, it is revealed that Hitler dreamed of a race of half-human/half-elf hybrids.
Yep... what a movie everyone. So grab that egg nog and sit back, things are about to get weird.
Merry Christmas!
P.S. Enjoy the Elves because next week is a cold one set on a tropical island. Try not to question it.
 
     

(Ep. 94) SR Podcast - December 2017

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
On this early holiday addition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys discuss all the Hollywood news they missed while on Thanksgiving break during an edition of Can You Dig It. They also review everything from The Punisher to Vice Principals during TV Roundup. They even get to try out some new impressions during the game Simply Quotable…and all this is bookended by Justin’s attempt to cancel a gift basket he bought from Costco…yes really. All that, a new trailer spoof, and some underhanded shots at Matt Lauer on this Season’s Greetings episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.NOTESVince McMahon Buys WCW
DC Execs Rush Justice League for bonuses
 
Amazon Lord Of The Rings
MUSICBy The Croft By Joakim Karud
Road Trip By Joakim Karud
Utopia In Peril By Chillout
Chill Out Soul Rap By Nkato
 
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(Ep. 93): Killer Klowns from Outer Space - Movie Commentary: October 2017

Killer Klowns from Outer Space
PG-13 ‧ 1988 ‧ Science fiction film/Cult film ‧ 1h 28m
 
 
When teenagers Mike (Grant Cramer) and Debbie (Suzanne Snyder) see a comet crash outside their sleepy small town, they investigate and discover a pack of murderous aliens who look very much like circus clowns. They try to warn the local authorities, but everyone assumes their story is a prank. Meanwhile, the clowns set about harvesting and eating as many people as they can. It's not until they kidnap Debbie that Mike decides it's up to him to stop the clowns' bloody rampage.Release date: May 20, 1988 (USA)
 
 What could be better then watching some Killer Klowns this Halloween!? Well with the Simplistic Reviews crew! Join us as we watch a movie that was made to be wacky and goof, yet its still better then half the shit that comes out today! So grab that frankenberry! Pour some of that Halloween themed choice of beer because... this Movie Commentary is gonna scare your socks off!
 
 

SR Podcast (Ep. 92) October 2017

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
On this October episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, Matthew takes the reigns and guides us on a spooky journey which takes us from Harvey Weinstein, to Tyrese & Rock beefs, to Rush Hour sequels.  The boys play the game where crossdressing is totally allowed, What Are You Supposed to be, and we all try to figure out the name of the black guy who hosted Nick Arcade.  All that and more on a terror-filled edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast!
NOTES
The Rock v Tyrese
Deathsalker
Justice League Trailer
Pacific Rim Trailer
 
MUSICThe Thing Theme by John Carpenter
The Great Pumpkin Soundtrack by Vince Guaraldi
Gremlins Theme by Jerry Goldsmith
Beetlejuice Theme by Danny Elfman
Halloween Theme by Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross
Psycho Killer by Talking Heads
Killer Klowns From Outer Space Theme by The Dickies
Savin' The Day by Alessi
The Shining Theme by Wendy Carlos and Rachel Elkind

Simplistic Interviews: Lou Simon, Director of "3" Talks Horror

 
 
In the edition of Simplistic Interviews, Matt "sits down" with director, Lou Simon, and discusses her newest film, "Lou Simon's 3."
 
CLICK HERE for the entire Youtube interview and check out all of here social media below:
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(Ep. 91): Samurai Cop - Movie Commentary: September 2017

Samurai Cop
1991 ‧ Crime film/Thriller ‧ 1h 36m
Play trailer on YouTube
    Release date:January 1, 1989 (USA)
Director:Amir Shervan
Screenplay: Amir Shervan
Film series: Samurai Cop Film Series
Well we know how to pick them don't we? Movie Commentary is back but this time with MORE ACTION! MORE BABES AND MORE INCREDIBLE LINE READING!
What the hell is Samurai Cop? You may be asking... Well according to Google it's about ...
 
But according to IMDB...
Samurai Cop follows Joe Marshall and Frank Washington who are police detectives assigned to stop the ruthless activities of the Katana a renegade Yakuza gang composed of violent and sadistic killers! All they want want to lead the drug trade in Los Angeles. 
Then again... since we live in a world of fake news and fake facts its honestly entirely up to debate. But we here at Simplistic Reviews say, "Samurai Cop is a classic on so many levels!"
Everyone hold on this one gets kinda weird but then again it was the early 90's.
Here we go, this is Samurai Cop!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

(Ep. 90): SR Podcast - September 2017

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
Hello friends and soon-to-be enemies!  Since its Labor Day Weekend, the gang at Simplistic Reviews thought it would be a great time to get back to work.  But it wasn't all fun and games on our Summer break.  The fellas got a brand new studio...a brand new intern...and brand new ideas to pollute your brain with...like a sitcom about Hitler and Eva Braun or the craziest idea for a Bridesmaids sequel you'll ever hear.  In between that Matt, Justin, and DJ tackle some of the topics they missed and prepare for nuclear winter from either North Korea or our own government while staving off ignored but still rampant national racism; institutional or otherwise...FUN FUN FUN!  But mainly they use obscenities to take out everything from The Dark Tower, to a Joker stand alone film, to Brett Ratner.  All this and more on an Always Sunny episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
 
0:00:00 Opening Skit
0:03:50 Show Monologue
0:8:43 Simplistic Showcase
0:36:55 TV Round Up
1:05:34 Kill F%$k Marry
1:32:21 Closing Skit
 
 
 MUSIC 
Action In Memphis By Johnny Pearson
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Theme 
Cocaine Model By ZHU
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(Ep. 89): Gymkata - Movie Commentary: August 2017

Gymkata
1985 ‧ R ‧ Action/Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 30m
(Trailer) YouTube
It's that time of the year again, August. The month we all hated as it was the end of our summer vacation and the beginning of back to school. So a little treat is needed and what could be better then Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas, who combines his gymnastic ability with martial arts to enter a deadly competition? I'm going to guess NOTHING!. Thomas has a few awards under his leotards. In 1985 he earned the big nomination for a Razzie Award as Worst New Star. Wow nothing but the best for you here at Simplistic Reviews.
"Watching Gymkata is a roundhouse kick of pure American action!" - Justin
So are you ready? Cue up your copy, sit back and be in awe over how a movie like this could even exist. Thank you movie gods!
 
 
 
 
 
 

(Ep. 88): SR Podcast - July 2017

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
When this show gets to 88 episodes, you're gonna hear some serious shit!  On the July edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys tackle everything from Back To The Future to Judge Dredd.  Justin is in the driver's seat for Word Association and tells his Steve Guttenberg story, DJ is forced to say something nice about Transformers: The Last Knight, Matt talks Castlevania Netflix 5000 on TV Roundup, and the boys take a break for the show to do a live commentary track on a television show in honor the great Adam West in a new segment called Simply Goofing Off.  (Watch Along With Them With The Following Link: SIMPLY GOOFING OFF.) All that and more on a time traveling episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
0:00:00 Opening Skit
0:03:54 Show Monologue
0:12:09 Word Association
0:43:28 TV Round Up
0:53:27 Simply Goofing Off
1:16:58 Simply Say Anything
 
 
 
 
MUSIC
Power Of Love By Huey Lewis And The News
Back In Time By Huey Lewis And The News
Goof Troop
I Dream Of Jeanie Remix
By The Croft By Joakim Karud
Cocaine Model By ZHU
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(Ep. 87): Thunder in Paradise - Movie Commentary: June 2017

Thunder in Paradise
PG
 1993 ‧ Adventure ‧ 1h 44m
 
 
 
 
With all of the remakes coming out these days we figured doing Thunder in Paradise would help our chances of getting Hurricane Spencer and Bru back on the waters kicking ass on silver screen, or maybe not.  
 
 
 Terry "Hulk" Hogan stars as R. J. "Hurricane" Spencer who is an ex-Navy S. E. A. L. and confirmed bachelor struggling to make ends meet. In order to save his superboat THUNDER (and ultimately, his business) Spencer is forced into a marriage of convenience with the snobby Megan Whitaker. When Megan gets kidnapped it's up to Spencer and his partner Bru to save the day or risk losing everything.
 
 
Well today is the perfect day to release this action packed movie commentary. With July 4th days away, this holiday weekend we thought, what could be more American then ex-Navy SEALS saving the day off the Florida coastline?
 
 Answer? NOTHING...Thunder in Paradise it is!
 
 
 
 
So join us this holiday along with classical trained actor (and def not racist) Hulk Hogan and America's 2nd favorite Lemmon.
 
Hell even the "President" was excited for this Movie Commentary! Happy 4th everyone!