Simplistic Reviews Podcasts
Simplistic Reviews is everything your parents told you to not turn into. We talk and review movies, TV and games from the past and the present. Light that fire and bring the family in to enjoy, don’t worry if you don’t have a fire because we’ll always bring the warmth. Visit us at www.Simplistic.Reviews
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Episodes
Sunday Sep 03, 2017
Sunday Sep 03, 2017
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
Hello friends and soon-to-be enemies! Since its Labor Day Weekend, the gang at Simplistic Reviews thought it would be a great time to get back to work. But it wasn't all fun and games on our Summer break. The fellas got a brand new studio...a brand new intern...and brand new ideas to pollute your brain with...like a sitcom about Hitler and Eva Braun or the craziest idea for a Bridesmaids sequel you'll ever hear. In between that Matt, Justin, and DJ tackle some of the topics they missed and prepare for nuclear winter from either North Korea or our own government while staving off ignored but still rampant national racism; institutional or otherwise...FUN FUN FUN! But mainly they use obscenities to take out everything from The Dark Tower, to a Joker stand alone film, to Brett Ratner. All this and more on an Always Sunny episode of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
0:00:00 Opening Skit
0:03:50 Show Monologue
0:8:43 Simplistic Showcase
0:36:55 TV Round Up
1:05:34 Kill F%$k Marry
1:32:21 Closing Skit
MUSIC
Action In Memphis By Johnny Pearson
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Theme
Cocaine Model By ZHU
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Thursday Aug 03, 2017
Thursday Aug 03, 2017
Gymkata
1985 ‧ R ‧ Action/Action/Adventure ‧ 1h 30m
(Trailer) YouTube
It's that time of the year again, August. The month we all hated as it was the end of our summer vacation and the beginning of back to school. So a little treat is needed and what could be better then Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas, who combines his gymnastic ability with martial arts to enter a deadly competition? I'm going to guess NOTHING!. Thomas has a few awards under his leotards. In 1985 he earned the big nomination for a Razzie Award as Worst New Star. Wow nothing but the best for you here at Simplistic Reviews.
"Watching Gymkata is a roundhouse kick of pure American action!" - Justin
So are you ready? Cue up your copy, sit back and be in awe over how a movie like this could even exist. Thank you movie gods!
Tuesday Jul 11, 2017
Tuesday Jul 11, 2017
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
When this show gets to 88 episodes, you're gonna hear some serious shit! On the July edition of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast, the boys tackle everything from Back To The Future to Judge Dredd. Justin is in the driver's seat for Word Association and tells his Steve Guttenberg story, DJ is forced to say something nice about Transformers: The Last Knight, Matt talks Castlevania Netflix 5000 on TV Roundup, and the boys take a break for the show to do a live commentary track on a television show in honor the great Adam West in a new segment called Simply Goofing Off. (Watch Along With Them With The Following Link: SIMPLY GOOFING OFF.) All that and more on a time traveling episode of the Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
0:00:00 Opening Skit
0:03:54 Show Monologue
0:12:09 Word Association
0:43:28 TV Round Up
0:53:27 Simply Goofing Off
1:16:58 Simply Say Anything
MUSIC
Power Of Love By Huey Lewis And The News
Back In Time By Huey Lewis And The News
Goof Troop
I Dream Of Jeanie Remix
By The Croft By Joakim Karud
Cocaine Model By ZHU
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Sunday Jul 02, 2017
Sunday Jul 02, 2017
Thunder in Paradise
PG
1993 ‧ Adventure ‧ 1h 44m
With all of the remakes coming out these days we figured doing Thunder in Paradise would help our chances of getting Hurricane Spencer and Bru back on the waters kicking ass on silver screen, or maybe not.
Terry "Hulk" Hogan stars as R. J. "Hurricane" Spencer who is an ex-Navy S. E. A. L. and confirmed bachelor struggling to make ends meet. In order to save his superboat THUNDER (and ultimately, his business) Spencer is forced into a marriage of convenience with the snobby Megan Whitaker. When Megan gets kidnapped it's up to Spencer and his partner Bru to save the day or risk losing everything.
Well today is the perfect day to release this action packed movie commentary. With July 4th days away, this holiday weekend we thought, what could be more American then ex-Navy SEALS saving the day off the Florida coastline?
Answer? NOTHING...Thunder in Paradise it is!
So join us this holiday along with classical trained actor (and def not racist) Hulk Hogan and America's 2nd favorite Lemmon.
Hell even the "President" was excited for this Movie Commentary! Happy 4th everyone!
Monday May 29, 2017
Monday May 29, 2017
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
Oh what a time to be alive! That's what we keep hearing. And yes, it's true, it is quite a time to be alive when you get to listen to another edition of The Simplistic Reviews Podcast. Because, boy, let me tell you what, this one is a real doozy!
DJ, Justin, and Matt cover it all with their monthly news roundup that runs the gamet of nonsense to non-sensical.
And if you thought we liked fighting last month, wait until you get a load of "Simplistic Switcharoo." This time around, these Simplistic Scamps yammer on about who in Hollywood would do the other jobs better. We know you guys and gals have all fantasized about who would do our job better. Right? I mean imagine Betty White, Paula Deen, and Pat Sajak doing what we're doing...just imagine it...and imagine us on the "Golden Girl," cooking a fatty Southern racist meal, and giving the eyes to Vanna White...IMAGINE IT!
That, and we say hello to our PornHub resident scientist; PornHub Snooty Scientist, in what MAY be our last podcast ever....spoiler alert....it's not. Oh, and a conversation on Air Bud: Ninja Dog. May is go fetch....get it....we'll see ourselves out...
NOTES
Tom Hardy as Venom
Air Bud Rocks
Top Gun 2
Armond White Loves Baywatch
MUSIC
The Hell Raisers by Syd Dale
Cocaine Model By ZHU
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Thursday Apr 20, 2017
Thursday Apr 20, 2017
Deadly Prey
1987 ‧ Drama/Action ‧ 1h 28m
In Vietnam, he was the best... He still is!
You've requested it, We watched it!
Deadly Prey is a fun film no doubt about that, might not be great film but boy is this a stupid fun time of a watch. So put on those short shorts and do some killing!
Colonel Hogan is a ruthless former military officer who trains a large group of former U.S. Servicemen as mercenaries by having them hunt down and kill people they abduct off the streets of Los Angeles. Hogan's greedy financier Michaelson threatens Hogan to speed up the men's training or he will pull the plug on Hogan's training camp. However, Hogan and his men meet their match when their latest kidnap victim turns out to be a tough gung-ho marine named Mike Danton who despite being unarmed and hunted, he manages to decimate Hogan's men in detail. Frustrated Hogan, his tough right-hand man Thornton and personal assistant Sybil kidnap Danton's wife Jaimy to force him in the open, while Jaimy's retired police detective father tries to track down her and Danton who finds an unlikely ally in the form of a former marine buddy named Cooper who wants to help him take on all of Hogan's men. (IMDB)
Simply Drinking: Take a drink of your favorite alcoholic beverage every time someone sneaks up on another person.
Sunday Apr 02, 2017
Sunday Apr 02, 2017
FOR MATURE AUDIENCES
April Fools...this isn't really a podcast post....... so here's a picture of a Ryan Gosling eating cereal.
.....just kidding....maybe...but i mean just look at that sexy guy eating that cereal.
This month we make our grand return with all sorts of goodies. The fellas belly up to the bar to talk the news and their life failures in "What's On Tap."
We're also in the fighting mood this month and the only way to settle that is another round of "Simplistic Fisticuffs."
All this, mail order bride talk, trying to remember what the Street Sharks ever did for us, cross-dressing, and all shorts of April shenanigans on The Simplistic Reviews Podcast.
NOTES
Street Sharks
The Edge
Batgirl
MUSIC
Cocaine Model By ZHU
The Hellraisers By Syd DaleTears In The Rain By Vangelis
Blade Runner End Titles By Vangelis
Sunday Feb 12, 2017
Sunday Feb 12, 2017
It's been a long time, we shouldn't have left you, without a podcast to step to....step to, step to...you get it; it's like that Aaliyah song.
We gave you a movie commentary to quench that junkie's thirst for our imminent return, but nothing can prepare you for this month's podcast that is sure to give you heart palpitations.
From the sultry tones of Al Pacino as he talks nipple clamps and spankings...to us wagering our souls, dignity and enthusiasm on 2017 films...and of course we have a game for you, because we love you so very much.
We return with "Hey Fuckhead," where we tear apart those in Hollywood that really piss...us...off, here's a hint; he's a world leader who probably has a tiny wiener...take that as you may.
Just in time for Valentine's Day, the newest Simplistic Reviews podcast. Body harnesses and ball gags not included.
NOTESWorld War Z
Jimmy Fallon & Alec Baldwin
Green Lantern ShortlistMUSIC
Cocaine Model By ZHU
By The Croft By Joakim Karud
What Time Is It By General Crook
Tuesday Jan 31, 2017
Tuesday Jan 31, 2017
1989 | Action | 92 min
Ready for a trip to Savage Beach?
Come and enjoy beautiful our water
Wine and dine with at the island's number 1 restaurant.
And come see the last of what the 80's have to offer in Andy Sidaris'...
Savage Beach
TRAILER
Ladies and Gentlemen WE ARE BACK!
THE WOMEN!
THE GUNS!
THE OVER THE TOP CRAZIEST ACTION SCENES!
Ah... 2017 is going to be a good year! All new 90's Andy Sidaris' Films to watch. Honestly what more could you want!?
Shit...I just remembered...the 90's sucked and the world is in turmoil. Oh well let's enjoy what we have left then.
Drug agents Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) crash-land on a remote island, rumored to have a gold treasure. Treasure isn't the only thing on this island, war-gold seekers searching for their gold will do anything for riches.
Initial release: 1989 Director: Andy Sidaris Screenplay: Andy Sidaris Music composed by: Gary Stockdale
Friday Dec 30, 2016
Friday Dec 30, 2016
This is it guys and girls, the end of an era! The piece of shit known as 2016 is dead. 2016 was nothing but a douche to us all. Think about it, all horrible and horrific stuff. Don't believe me? Fine. Let me ask you, name one thing that was good about 2016?
Still waiting...
Anything?
Yeah we feel you. So to end the year and ring in a new one we have a Mini End of the Year Wrap Up Show! A podcast that wraps up the shitty year of movies into a bite size appetizer to welcome in 2017!
Thank you everyone who has listened this year. We appreciate your support and we have a lot planned for 2017.
"I know it was you, 2016. You broke my heart. You broke my heart."